When a man is jealous of a woman...
Horrible, isn't it? It even sounds ridiculous. To what extent should a man feel insignificant in order to recognize female superiority... Of course, I don’t mean such obvious things as beauty :))) I mean personal self-realization, success, inner strength.
Envy is essentially a feminine quality.
Women's envy, men's envy
More precisely, it is inherent in the fair sex, who are weak by nature. Women always envy if they are even a little bit of it! And most often - to each other. Even I would say this is natural. Naturally for those women who do not strive for internal improvement. The rest are trying to cope with it, because envy is a thing that destroys us, depriving us of a better life.
Women's envy is slippery, petty, bitchy. It can be harmless, like a mosquito bite - it seems uncomfortable, but it doesn’t really do any harm. And it can be poisonous, like a snake bite.
But it is not a match for male envy, since it is a destructive and merciless thing. At least that's what it may seem at first glance.
A man envies a woman when he cannot understand the reasons for his failures that haunt him. He is tormented, angry, and may even put a spoke in his wheels, but this envy, despite its destructiveness, continues to remain funny, since it is dishonorable for a man to desire a feminine thing.
No less surprising are the cases when a husband envies his wife. It would seem - be proud of her successes, are they in your throat? No, no, where is it going? He should do better! So who's stopping you? Wife?
Most often, this envious man is a victim of lost love from his mother, who does not know how to forgive and knows nothing about love. You can sympathize with him - no matter how he tries to interfere with the successes of others, his lack of self-confidence and confidence in his karma as a loser entails continuous failures.
Bringing pain to others, and most often - giving revenge to women for the lack of this love, the unfortunate person suffers himself, becoming weaker and weaker. With each of his failures in atrocities, he becomes more and more angry, hates more and more, and pours out his anger more and more often. It’s scary that all these machinations of a man and the problem of envy lead to the fact that the representative of the stronger sex himself receives all his negativity back. After all, be that as it may, men’s envy is no match for women’s cunning or women’s ability to forgive the unfortunate and disadvantaged.
Therefore, in cases where a man envies a woman, the offended envious person is most often left with nothing. And at the same time he does not understand that the reason for his envy is his own reluctance to grow internally and increase his strength of spirit. He is too lazy to admit the need for improvement. His thirst is to blame everyone except himself for his failures. For envy is an insidious and vile feeling, behind itself it hides many subordinates, such as atheism, dislike, despair, despondency, anger, malice... and so on. No wonder there is a wonderful saying by Confucius:
“If someone wants to seriously offend you, then it’s even worse for them.”
Hello! I’m 29 years old, I’ve been on maternity leave for the second year now, I have a son, he’s 1.7, we’re waiting for the second one, he’s 6 months old, I work in the police.
My husband is 30, he is in the military, and now he is the only breadwinner!
I want to start from the very beginning!
We met our future husband in 2006 while studying at a technical school, sometimes we hung out together, then he dropped out of school and joined the army, and that was all, we didn’t communicate anymore!
In 2009 he came back from the army, we crossed paths and away we go...
I fell in love...
I lived with my mother alone, studied and worked, we lived very well, my mother had her own business... It was... A car service... I did a lot of things, because my mother said: “little things”, well, this little thing it was almost all about business, and also her personal affairs, while my mother managed more serious issues or stayed at home! All!
With my future husband, at that time with a young man, we had a candy-bouquet period... We sat at home on weekends, drank beer, on my persuasion we would go to the cinema... Some suggestions.. Zero attention, only if already scandal and hysterics, then let's go, but at the same time the person will have such a face that it would be better to stay at home, I didn’t receive any gifts from him, not then, not now, not March 8, not birthdays, only if after the scandal, yes!
She herself always gave him gifts, made surprises, spent her entire salary on him on his hobbies and desires, and my mother always gave good gifts something is equally valuable to me and to him, I always tried!
But in 2010, her business went bankrupt and her mother went to work as a clothing saleswoman, I tried to talk to her, maybe I could try again from scratch, she: no, I’ve been working, now I’ll rest, I don’t want to decide anything! Well, OK!
I have never envied anyone more than once, because I was absolutely happy with my life!
(Now I haven’t made many adjustments to my previous message, I wrote it wrong)
When we started dating, I didn’t envy him, I was only happy for his victories, and tried to support him in everything!
Well, as soon as my mother’s business goes bankrupt, he begins to tell me more and more often (by the way, his mother too) that my mother and I are completely screwed... I apologize that we are scourges, in our entire life we have not acquired anything, except for an apartment and an old cars and even businesses were screwed!
And this happened all the time... His mother told me that look, my son has everything, and if you are a family, what will you bring to the family?
I tried to leave many times, but I couldn’t, and again again, then I decided to buy something myself... I worked at my main job and started working part-time, writing dissertations, etc.. I bought a garage! Anyway, everything is wrong!
My grandfather was thinking about someone to sign the apartment over to... My man... Let's click on your grandfather so that you have at least something... In short, my grandfather signed the apartment to his younger cousin... I was very happy!
But even greater attacks began from my future husband and from his mother! And then I decided that this was it, and broke up with him! Although she loved him very much, he thinks with his mother’s brains, but he’s not bad! I tried to do a lot to keep talking, etc., but he kept repeating the same thing! He didn't expect such a turn!
He called me, wrote me, begged me to come back, for about 3 months, he said that everything would be different, I agreed! Made offers! We got married!
At first everything was good, very good, we started living with his parents, but then again this property, money and away we go, I worked three jobs, became fat, earned so much money, but I didn’t have time to spend it! But my husband had time for fishing, clothes, etc.
And from that moment I began to feel envy, envy of my parents’ attitude towards my husband and gifts and just everything, I even envied my parents’ success, but I noticed one thing: I only envy them and my husband! I have many successful, famous friends, but there is definitely no feeling of envy towards them, only joy!
Something like that! Yes! In our family, it’s such that my husband brings the money and I’m on maternity leave raising a child, expecting a second one, all the housework naturally falls on me, and I always have everything perfect in terms of cooking and cleaning, but he doesn’t like everything here either!
It’s gotten to the point where now he’s going on vacation, I really don’t want this, because again these constant bickering! And this means that we will see his parents more often, but I really don’t want this, because I’m already afraid that when I feel bad, they always feel good about it! And when I’m in a good mood, they start to spoil it for me, they know my weak points!
I hope I explained everything clearly! I really want to get help and advice from you, because I can’t do this anymore!
I have a higher education, my husband graduated from college, by the way, he constantly tells me that I don’t study, I’m stupid, etc., and that I won’t succeed in life, by the way, we were already married and I received a graduate degree and earned it myself, since he immediately said that you can’t take a penny from the general budget, but she said that mom pays! I graduated from higher education and entered the service safely!
When we met, I really liked him because he was handsome, tall, knows how to cook deliciously, loves children very much, if you don’t touch money and material things, it’s interesting to talk with him on any topic, well, that’s probably all! It seemed to me that this was enough and ideal for family life!
What do I feel when he “teases” me, a feeling of anger that he is my husband, he should be for me and not against me, I know that he and my mother discuss this every time, I feel some kind of resentment that they are a family and I am alone !
I have known my husband for three years, been married for a little over a year, and gave birth to a girl in May of this year. My husband is English, I myself am from the Baltic states, but we perfectly coincide in interests and in thinking. Love each other. I have always been an active and extraordinary woman, and now I try to be like that. We are raising our daughter ourselves, without anyone's help. Mostly it's all on me, but I like it. I don’t want a nanny, my parents are far away, and I have a “cold war” with my in-laws. Lately I have begun to envy my husband that he works, he is all businesslike. For example, having learned that he had a business trip to Spain (he flies in the morning and arrives in the evening), I began to envy him that he had a change of atmosphere, flies to another country, meets people, has a free lunch, etc. I adore my daughter, I like it with her, and this feeling of being with a child is higher than all these business trips, lunches, etc. Why am I jealous? I want to go study for a new specialty. I have a higher medical degree, but I didn’t work in my specialty for a long time, I didn’t like it, so I enlisted in the army, where I really liked it, but with a husband and child this option is no longer suitable, so I decided to go retrain for another specialty, otherwise I I will feel inferior compared to my husband. On the other hand, the birth of a child gave me a “second wind”, I like being involved with my family, and I don’t mind having another one. So what should I do: take care of my family and envy my husband, or go to study and work and leave the children with nannies and grandmothers? But I can't do that.
Laura, Great Britain, London, 31 years old / 07/22/13
Our experts' opinions
Alyona
This is not envy, this is a banal postpartum depression known to all young mothers. It manifests itself to varying degrees in everyone, and each has its own characteristics associated with the lifestyle that the woman led before pregnancy and childbirth. At most two months have passed since the birth of your baby, so it is not surprising that for now you are too busy with her needs and completely subordinate your life to her schedule. And a child at this age is still not very “interactive”, so there is not much feedback from him, and the joy of motherhood, which was promised to you before giving birth, does not yet look so “joyful”, especially in the light of the daily routine... But this is temporary, believe me. And, by the way, the categorical “never” and “I can’t do that” are also temporary. While your daughter is very young, it seems unthinkable to you to entrust her to the care of someone else. At first, I also thought that nannies and kindergarten would be unacceptable for my child. And then I sent my two-year-old daughter to a private kindergarten so she could go to work, and never regretted it. It’s good that you already have ideas to get a second specialty. When the child becomes a little more independent, you will feel freer and will be able, for example, to begin preparations for the implementation of your plans. It’s definitely not worth focusing on a child as the center of the Universe. And to clear your mind on this topic, I also advise you to read the latest book “French Children Don’t Spit Food” by Pamela Druckeraman.
Sergey
Laura, it's not strange that you miss the rather carefree times before the baby was born. And you shouldn’t call it envy. You’re just a little tired, because raising a baby is by no means an easy task, especially in the absence of grandmothers, and besides, you don’t have the opportunity to be free as before. You depend on the child’s desires and needs. It is clear that all this is not easy. Besides, you haven’t quite gotten used to the idea of being a mother yet. Although changes are already happening. And just believe me, pretty soon everything will change. You will get used to the new role, you will find out that it is no less interesting than in your previous life and, quite possibly, you will want to get a specialty that you have not even thought about yet. So don’t rush to conclusions and worries. Everything is just beginning for you. The main thing is that your relationship with your husband is trusting, respectful and based on love and mutual assistance. Then you can master new specialties and have children.
Our women's site "Beautiful and Successful" is always ready to give advice, how to succeed, become better, improve and cause admiration in the eyes of men! But what to do if success has come, life pleases you with pleasant surprises, everything is going as well as possible, but... all this and you can’t just be sincerely happy for your beloved wife?! Let's figure it out!
Why do men envy women?
In fact, if a husband is jealous of his wife, you shouldn’t immediately start a scandal on the topic “Ahh, what kind of womanish behavior, real men don't envy women! They are jealous.
But if he is a real man, he will not show it, because he is well brought up. In reality, 99% of men have stereotypes firmly in their heads that are very difficult to banish!
The main stereotype is that a woman should not be more successful than her man. Or rather, on the contrary, he a man simply must be at least a little more successful than a woman!
And if at a certain moment in life this is not the case, then the husband begins to feel like a complete loser (even if he is still far from being a real loser!). Hence the envy. This envy cannot be called unconstructive - it is in male nature!
The man begins to feel that he ceases to be support and hope for his beloved wife, it seems to him that he will no longer be able to protect, save and help her, because she is able to solve all the problems herself, without him... And this is very bad for relationships!
But this type of envy can be called “healthy” - as a rule, it encourages a man to do something to become more successful himself.
There is another stereotype that awakens “unhealthy” envy, which is difficult to get rid of and even more difficult to channel into a creative direction. This stereotype “Women have an easier life”. It’s easier to get a job, it’s easier to gain the respect and admiration of others, to “earn the trust” of to the right people etc.
This opinion usually arises among real losers - simply lazy people who want to somehow justify their own idleness and reluctance to change something in life for the better.
How to stop your husband from being jealous?
I warn you right away. Wrong tactics- timidly look up and say: “What am I doing? And I'm okay! All my successes are complete nonsense, a coincidence and luck that I didn’t even deserve! Of course, of course, everything will definitely be in chocolate, and I will soon receive a blow from fate in the back of the head again!”
Your husband will not stop being jealous, but in this way you are doing yourself a disservice.
- Firstly, you lower your self-esteem and disrupt your mood for success.
- Secondly, you suggest to your husband the easiest, but not at all correct way to get rid of envy: suggest that there is absolutely nothing to envy, the wife has achieved nothing, all her successes are an accident, she doesn’t deserve it...
In fact, envy can become a motivation for a man to take action and your own achievements! If you hear again from your spouse statements like “You’re lucky, you earn more than me...”, answer like this: “Yes, and it wasn’t easy for me, I have to do this and that, sometimes I get tired... But you can - I I know what a great guy you are!”
But there is another common mistake, making which you can completely discourage an envious husband from conquering any heights!
These are statements like: “Yes, I did it, I achieved success.” , I'm great, but you don't know how to do anything", except to lie on the couch, and nothing will ever work out for you." Wives who often repeat this “spell” have husbands who actually lie on their couches for years and... silently envy!
If a husband is jealous of his wife, then it’s bad for both. Therefore, if you understand that this feeling has crept into your relationship, try... in general, remember this less often and not emphasize your superiority over your husband!
Are you earning more? Don’t yell at the entire supermarket: “No need, I’ll pay for it myself, my salary is not as good as yours!!!”
Just whisper in your ear: “Can I pay? It will be a wonderful dinner! But you are responsible for the restaurant... as much as you can, invite me...".
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You are successful, young and happy. What more could you ask for? Often in such cases, the only thing a woman needs is approval from the man who is nearby. But what should you do if your beloved man not only does not support, but also envies your achievements? In this article we will try to figure out what is the nature of men’s envy of their women? Husband's envy is the topic today.
Husband's envy of his wife's success
Firstly, having realized that your man is jealous of you, there is no need to create a scandal and make claims to the man. , naturally, will not show it. But it is worth remembering that 99% of men have stereotypes firmly fixed in their heads, which are difficult to combat. And the most basic is the stereotype that a woman should not be more successful than her man.
Such envy of a husband is quite natural - it comes from male blood, because he must prevail over a woman. A man is more than offended when he realizes that he can’t protect or help a woman, that she can live peacefully without him and not worry about the future. On love relationships such an attitude, forgive the tautology, will have a negative impact. Such envy is healthy, because a man is encouraged to change something in order to become more successful himself.
Men also have another stereotype, which, whatever one may say, can lead to unhealthy envy of the husband. When men think that women have an easier life than men.
It’s easier for women, it’s easier for them to get recognition in society, to get a person. This opinion is usually formed by losers, those who are their own idleness. Yes, women achieve a lot with their charm and charisma. But a woman cannot be called more stupid than a man.
It is necessary to wean your husband from the habit of envy. First, let's look at what mistakes women make in an attempt to transform their husband's envy into a positive one, or to eliminate it altogether. Not noticing this envy and being proud of your achievements is wrong.
A man will not stop being jealous, the problem will not be solved. By doing this you will be doing yourself a disservice. You will underestimate your own, and even worse, convince your husband that envy is normal, and that your successes are just an accident. And by transforming your husband’s envy from negative to positive, you will thereby encourage the man to take active action.
When a man says something about your luck and achievements, respond in the following way: “It wasn’t easy for me, sometimes I get so tired! But you can achieve more, I'm sure! I know what a great guy you are!” Sometimes men need more support than even women.
Women often make the mistake of responding to their husband’s claims like this: “I know that everything worked out for me! And you lie on the couch all day, and nothing like this will happen in your life!” Because women are indignant and infuriated by their husband’s behavior, they try to take it out on him, to show their dissatisfaction.
However, with such behavior a woman completely discourages a man from wanting to change something, grow, or achieve something. Hearing such reproaches, men will continue to lie on the couch and envy.
Therefore, having realized that in your family there is envy of your husband for your achievements, it is important not to forget about it, not to consider it a trifle, because both of you are suffering at this moment. Try not to remember your achievements often, and keep silent about them at the right time.
For example, when shopping in a store, pay yourself, after telling the man: “Can I pay? It will be a wonderful dinner! And you will invite me to a restaurant!”