Parents' Day or, as it is also called, Radonitsa (Radunitsa) is a spring Orthodox church holiday of special commemoration of the dead. According to Radonitsa, it is one of the most important memorial days, when it is customary to visit cemeteries where the graves of relatives and friends are located.
This is a day of bright memory and, oddly enough, joy, because this joy is for the birth of the departed into a new life - eternal life. In order to prepare in time for this Orthodox holiday, you need to know what date is parent's day celebrated in 2017.
When is Parents' Memorial Day celebrated?
There are eight parental days in a year, and seven of them fall on Saturday and therefore they are called parental Saturdays. But among parental days there is the most important, most important holiday of remembrance of the deceased (Radonitsa), which always falls on Tuesday.
The Radonitsa holiday does not have its own date; it is always celebrated at different times, depending on what date it falls on. In the second week, or, to be more precise, nine days after the Holy Resurrection of Christ, on Tuesday, the day of remembrance of the dead comes - the first parent's day after the holiday of Easter.
Memorial days are extremely important for every Orthodox Christian. They are also called “parental” so that we remember the need to take care of the souls of our ancestors.
It is imperative to know the dates of all memorial days so as not to miss the opportunity to remember and commemorate your deceased loved ones, relatives and friends, go to the cemetery and clean up the grave.
History and customs of the holiday of the main parent's day
According to the testimony of John Chrysostom, this holiday was celebrated by Christians in ancient times. The name itself - Radonitsa - was instilled in us from the common Slavic spring pagan holiday with the obligatory remembrance of the departed, which was called Radavanitsy, Graves, Triznami, Navy Day.
The word “radonitsa” comes from “joy” and “kind”; moreover, this holiday takes pride of place immediately after the celebration of Bright Easter Week and, one might say, obliges Orthodox Christians not to delve too deeply into grief for the dead, but to rejoice in their eternal life together with the Lord God.
The entire Christian world celebrates the Resurrection of Christ, His victory over earthly death, and then, nine days later, believers celebrate the rebirth of their ancestors, relatives and friends to a new life, remembering them on a special day - Radonitsa. The Resurrection of Christ, as a victory over death, displaces the sadness of separation from loved ones and therefore on the ninth day from Easter we, as Metropolitan Anthony of Surzh said:
“...with faith, reliable and Easter confidence we stand at the tombs of the departed.”
What to do on Parents' Day
Quite a large number of people visit relatives and friends at the cemetery on Easter. Many, unfortunately, adhere to the blasphemous custom of accompanying visits to the dead with drunken wild revelry. And those who do not do this very often do not even know when on Easter days they can (and should) remember the dead.
The first commemoration of the deceased after Easter takes place on the second Easter week (week), after St. Thomas Sunday, on Tuesday. And the widespread tradition of going to the cemetery on the Easter holiday itself sharply contradicts the institutions of the Church: before the ninth day from Easter, commemoration of the dead cannot be performed. If a person passes into another world on Easter, then he is buried according to a special Easter rite.
Like many Orthodox clergy, priest Valery Chislov, rector of the Church of the Dormition of the Blessed Virgin Mary at the Dormition Cemetery in Chelyabinsk, warns against rash actions and other actions committed out of ignorance on the feast of Radonitsa:
“It should be remembered that a cemetery is a place where one should behave with reverence. It is sad to see how some people drink vodka there and sing worldly songs. Someone crumbles bread and eggs onto the grave mound and pours alcohol. Sometimes they get into a real riot. All this is more reminiscent of pagan funeral feasts and is unacceptable for Christians. If we already took food to the cemetery, it is better to distribute it to the poor. Let them pray for our departed, and then the Lord may send some consolation to our relatives.”
When you come to the cemetery on the feast of Radonitsa, you need to light a candle and perform litia (pray intensely). To perform litia during the commemoration of the dead, a priest should be invited. You can also read the Akathist about the repose of the dead. Then you need to clean up the grave, be silent for a while, remembering the deceased.
There is no need to drink or eat in a cemetery, it is unacceptable to pour alcohol on a grave mound - these actions insult the memory of the dead. The tradition of leaving a glass of vodka with bread on a grave is a relic of pagan culture and should not be observed in Christian Orthodox families. It is better to give food to the poor or hungry.
How to remember the deceased
Prayer for deceased relatives and loved ones is the most important and greatest thing we can do for those who have passed on to another world. By and large, the deceased does not need either a coffin or a monument - this is only a pious tribute to tradition.
A simple wooden or metal cross is more appropriate for the grave of a true Orthodox Christian. But the soul of the deceased experiences a great need for our unceasing prayer. Saint John Chrysostom wrote:
“We will try, as much as possible, to help the departed, instead of tears, instead of sobs, instead of magnificent tombs - with our prayers, alms and offerings for them, so that in this way both they and we will receive the promised benefits.”
And special help to the deceased is provided by commemorating them in the Church.
A huge number of holidays passed from paganism to Orthodoxy, one of which is Parents' Day or Radonitsa. On this day, it is customary to remember all deceased relatives and visit their graves in the cemetery. After the baptism of Rus', nothing changed. Therefore, on Parents' Day we continue to observe the customs and traditions of our ancestors.
Radonitsa does not have a fixed date, so every year it is celebrated on different days. Parent's Day depends on the date of Easter, as it occurs 9 days after it. This year, Orthodox Christians celebrate Holy Resurrection on April 8, which means Radonitsa falls on April 17.
What date is Parents' Day in 2018: Radonitsa, its essence and history
Nevertheless, Radonitsa cannot be called an exclusively Christian holiday, because it began to be celebrated long before the baptism of Rus'. In paganism, this day was also considered a day of remembrance of the dead, but the traditions were associated with the cult of ancestors. The dead were treated with honor, so people showed their respect by visiting the cemetery. It is interesting that for a long time the church did not recognize going to the cemetery. And only recently this custom became Orthodox.
The name of the holiday has a rather ambiguous history. Historians claim that it comes from the word “genus,” while others see the meaning in the word “joy.” Moreover, our ancestors believed that their deceased relatives returned to the earth to their loved ones, which means we should be happy and not sad.
What date is Parents' Day in 2018: signs for Radonitsa
People have preserved many signs associated with Parents' Day. For example, it was considered a bad omen not to visit the deceased at the cemetery. Our ancestors believed that then no one would come to this person’s grave after his death.
It is strictly prohibited to engage in gardening work before this day. It was believed that this could cause drought, poor harvests or the death of loved ones. Rain in the first half of the day was considered a bad omen, especially if there was a strong wind in the evening. This meant that the ancestors were unhappy that they were forgotten and did not come to the grave.
According to legend, the housewife who is the first to prepare a meal on this day will be the first to harvest, and her family will be richer. The ancestors believed that the family that came to the cemetery before the others would become the happiest and, perhaps, gain special wisdom.
What date is Parents' Day in 2018: how to behave in a cemetery
Arriving at the cemetery in Radonitsa, it is customary to light a candle and read the litiya. To perform this rite, you should invite a priest, but you can read the akathist about the repose of the deceased yourself.
After this, you need to clean up the grave, remain silent and think about the deceased. It is not customary to eat or drink in a cemetery; it is especially forbidden to pour vodka on the grave of a deceased person, as this insults his memory. Orthodox families should not leave a glass of vodka and bread near the grave; this ritual is considered a relic of paganism. Food is also not left at the grave; it is better to give it to the hungry and poor.
October 13 is marked in the church calendar as parents' memorial Saturday. It is also called Intercession Parental Saturday, although it occurs on the eve of the feast of the Most Holy Intercession of the Theotokos.
Due to the fact that the principles of memorial days that are celebrated in the church are similar, traditionally it is necessary to take into account specific features that need to be taken into account in order to protect against possible misfortunes.
Parents' memorial Saturday October 13th prehistory of the holiday
The Slavs began to remember the dead and set aside certain days for this purpose, prescribed in the church calendar back in the 16th century. As a rule, they commemorated soldiers who died in battle with the enemy. At the moment, these memorial days have become days of unity for all relatives. According to the Orthodox church tradition, it is believed that there is unity of souls between relatives, and in general between all believers, since they are united by the highest kinship - kinship in Christ. When they commemorate the dead, people seem to blur the line between the world of the living and the dead.
Rituals and traditions of how to celebrate parents' memorial Saturday October 13
For more than six centuries, some traditions and rituals have developed in the Orthodox world that define clear rules for how to remember the deceased.
The main place where the dead should be remembered was and remains the church, after which you can go to the cemetery. The church says that only illness or other significant situations can prevent you from coming to the memorial service.
On this day it is customary to visit temples and cemeteries. Moreover, it is preferable to go to church, and after that you can go to the cemetery. Going only to the cemetery, without attending a church service and prayer, is considered wrong. You need to light a candle in church and pray for the repose of the souls of the departed.
Before the liturgy or funeral services, you need to write a list of the dead and give it to the priest so that he mentions x in the funeral service. It is strictly forbidden to include in the lists the names of people who have committed suicide or who have not been baptized.
Also on these days, it is customary to bring food to the church or cemetery, which, as stated in church regulations, is alms. The Gospel says that you need to treat not your loved ones and friends, but those who cannot repay you, that is, the poor, the beggars, etc. You can only drink ritual wine, usually Cahors. There is no need to place food on graves; this is not prescribed by Christian norms. It is better to give treats to friends or random people you meet.
They also put things in order at the graves, although it was believed that this could be postponed until St. Demetrius Saturday.
Parents' Saturday ended with a family table meal. You need to start your meal with a prayer for the repose of the souls of the dead and for forgiveness. It was strictly forbidden to drink alcohol or have fun. At the table it is customary to remember deceased relatives. A traditional dish without which a funeral table is not complete is kutia with poppy seeds, raisins and honey, which denotes a sign of rebirth and eternal life.
Probably every person has at least one relative or friend who has already been buried. People always pay maximum attention to their loved ones. Even after a person’s death, there is a desire to visit his tomb and take care of his peace. But many do not know how to visit a cemetery correctly. There are days when going to the cemetery is possible, and even necessary. And, conversely, when it is better not to visit the dead.
When can you go to the cemetery:
*on the day of the funeral;
*on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death;
*every year on the day of a person’s death;
*on memorial days - Monday and Tuesday of the week following Easter;
*Meat Saturday, the week preceding Lent;
*2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Lent;
*Trinity Saturday - the day before the Feast of the Holy Trinity;
*Dmitrov Saturday is the first Saturday in November.
When not to go to the cemetery:
*Orthodoxy does not encourage visiting the graves of relatives on Christian holidays such as Easter, Annunciation and Christmas;
*Trinity is also not celebrated in the cemetery. On Trinity they go to church;
*it is believed that there is no need to go to the churchyard after sunset;
*women are not advised to visit the place of the dead during pregnancy or menstruation. But this is a personal choice of each representative of the fair sex.
Some sources report that it would be wrong to go to his tomb on the birthday of the deceased. You can simply remember him with a kind word, among the family and loved ones of the deceased.
There are also some superstitions and rules of conduct in a churchyard.
How to behave in a cemetery:
If you are planning a trip to a cemetery, you should not wear bright colors. The most suitable would be black or white. You can also choose items in muted tones from your wardrobe. Legs must be covered: wear pants or a long skirt. Shoes must also be closed. It is advisable to cover your head with a hat or a scarf.
When they go to the cemetery, they behave calmly, without unnecessary emotions. Avoid laughing or crying loudly. Do not swear.
Don't spit or litter. And if you need it out of necessity, find a suitable place for this outside the cemetery.
Upon arrival at the grave, a positive action would be to light a candle and remember the deceased.
You should not drink or eat near the gravestone. Host a memorial dinner at home.
Do not step on or jump over graves.
There is no need to touch other people's graves or restore order there, unless the relatives of the person buried there have asked you to do so.
In the case when you dropped something on the dead ground, it is better not to pick up this thing. If the fallen object is very important to you, when you pick it up, put something in its place (candies, cookies, flowers).
When leaving the cemetery, do not turn around, and, especially, do not return.
When you come home, wash your hands thoroughly (or better yet, do this at the cemetery), be sure to wash off the cemetery soil from your shoes, and wash the tools you used to clean the grave.
When to visit a cemetery, each person determines for himself. Of course, going to such places almost every day is not recommended. But you don’t need to forget about your loved ones either. Do as your heart tells you.
In a situation where you live far from the grave of your relatives or simply do not have the opportunity to visit them, but there is a desire to pay attention and remember them, go to church and light a candle for their repose.
You need to know that such candles are not lit on the days of Holy Week and the days of Bright Week.
Also in the church it is possible to order a memorial service (prayer for the dead) or lithium (intensified prayer) from the priest. You can pray yourself: read the Psalter or the litany performed by a layman.
Under any circumstances, remember your deceased loved ones, and when you come to their graves, behave appropriately, because a cemetery is sacred land, a resting place for the dead.
WHEN A CLOSE RELATIVE DIED. WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR A WHOLE YEAR.
In the first seven days after the death of a person, do not take him out of the house.no things.
On the 9th day after death, relatives go to the temple, order a memorial service, and set a second memorial table at home.The family of the deceased did not sit down at the first memorial table.
Now it’s the other way around: a family and nine other people sat at the table (three who washed the deceased, three who made a coffin, three who dug a hole).
In modern conditions, the number of guests may vary, because there are various government services that provide the necessary ritual services: the deceased is changed in the morgue, a coffin can be bought at a funeral supplies store, and the grave can also be prepared in advance. Therefore, there may be 3 - 6 - 9 invitees, or there may be no one.
On the 40th day After the death of a person, a third memorial table is held - “Sarakavitsy”, at which the deceased’s family, relatives, relatives, friends, and work colleagues are present. The church orders Sorokoust - forty liturgies.
From the day of the funeral until the 40th day, remembering the name of the deceased, we must pronounce a verbal formula-amulet for ourselves and all the living. At the same time, the same words are a symbolic wish for the deceased: “May he rest in peace,” thereby expressing the wish that his soul ends up in heaven.
After 40 days and over the next three years we will say a different formula-wish: “The kingdom of heaven to him.” Thus, we wish the deceased an afterlife in paradise. These words should be addressed to any deceased, regardless of the circumstances of his life and death. They are guided by the biblical commandment “Do not judge, lest you be judged.”
During the year following the death of a person, none of the family members has the moral right to take part in any holiday celebration.
None of the family members of the deceased (including the second degree of kinship) could get married during the period of mourning,
If a relative of the 1st -2nd degree of kinship has died in the family and not a year has passed since his death, then such a family does not have the right to paint eggs red for Easter (they must be white or some other color - blue, black, green) and accordingly take part in the celebrations of Easter night.
After the death of her husband, the wife is prohibited from washing anything for a year on the day of the week on which the disaster occurred.
For a year after death, everything in the house where the deceased lived remains in a state of peace or permanence: repairs cannot be made, furniture cannot be rearranged, nothing is given away or sold from the deceased’s belongings until the soul of the deceased reaches eternal peace.
During this year and all subsequent years, you can go to the cemetery only on Saturdays (except for the 9th, 40th day after death and church holidays honoring ancestors, such as Radunitsa or Autumn Grandfathers). These are church-recognized days of remembrance of the dead. Try to convince your relatives that they should not constantly visit the grave of the deceased, as they are harming their health.
The way you come to the cemetery is the same way you return.
Visit the cemetery before 12 noon.
Days of special remembrance of the dead throughout the year:
Meat Saturday- Saturday in the ninth week before Easter;
- Saturday in the second week of Lent;
Ecumenical Parents' Saturday- Saturday in the third week of Lent;
Ecumenical Parents' Saturday- Saturday in the fourth week of Lent;
Radunitsa- Tuesday in the second week after Easter;
Trinity Saturday- Saturday in the seventh week after Easter;
Dmitrievskaya Saturday- Saturday in the third week after Intercession (14.10).
Exactly one year later after death, the family of the deceased celebrates a memorial meal (“udodoyu”) - the 4th, concluding memorial family-tribal table. It must be remembered that the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, and the final memorial table should be arranged either exactly a year later, or 1-3 days earlier.
On this day you need to go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased, go to the cemetery to visit the grave.
As soon as the last funeral meal is completed, the family is again included in the traditional scheme of holiday regulations of the folk calendar, becomes a full member of the community, and has the right to take part in any family celebrations, including weddings.
A monument can only be erected on a grave a year after the person’s death. Moreover, it is necessary to remember the golden rule of folk culture: “Do not graze the soil of Pakravou da Radaunschy.” This means if the year of the deceased fell at the end of October, i.e. after the Intercession (and for the entire subsequent period until Radunitsa), then the monument can only be erected in the spring, after Radunitsa.
After the monument is installed, the cross (usually a wooden one) is placed next to the grave for another year and then thrown away. It can also be buried under a flower bed or under a gravestone.
Get married (get married) after the death of one of the spouses, you can onlyin a year. If a woman got married a second time, then the new husband became the full owner-master only after seven years.
If the spouses were married, then after the death of the husband, his wife took his ring, and if she never married again, then both wedding rings were placed in her coffin.
If a husband buried his wife, then her wedding ring remained with him, and after his death both rings were placed in his coffin, so that, having met in the Kingdom of Heaven, they would say: “I brought our rings with which the Lord God crowned us.
For three years They celebrate the birthday of the deceased and the day of his death. After this period, only the day of death and all annual church holidays commemorating ancestors are celebrated.
Not all of us know how to pray, much less know prayers for the dead. Learn a few prayers that may help your soul find peace after an irreparable loss.
Parents' Saturdays are days of remembrance of the dead. Intercession Saturday is associated with the Feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, which is celebrated on October 14. The date of the holiday does not change, but Parents' Day shifts every year: it usually falls on the last Saturday before the Intercession.
Where does Intercession Saturday originate?
This is an Orthodox memorial day that is more than 400 years old. It was first installed by the first Moscow Patriarch. At the end of the distant 16th century, he decided to establish a day to honor the memory of the soldiers who died during the capture of Kazan.
In general, this holiday is considered folk-Orthodox, because even before its establishment, many Eastern Slavs commemorated the dead on this day. According to church traditions, it is customary to visit a cemetery and a special service on parental Saturday.
Funeral traditions
There are many traditions in Orthodoxy - one of them is the commemoration of the dead. In churches these days, memorial liturgies and memorial services are held, aimed at maintaining the memory of people who have left the earthly world, and liberation through prayers from the sins they once committed.
Over time, on Intercession Saturday, parents began to remember not only fallen soldiers, but also their own deceased relatives - this tradition has been preserved to this day.
On Pokrovskaya Parents' Saturday, according to tradition, their deceased parents are remembered in church. On this day, people submit notes for the souls of deceased relatives to the priest, and also pray for the repose of their souls in the afterlife.
Those who for any reason were unable to attend church can pray for them at home by placing a candle for their departed in front of the icons.
After visiting churches, Orthodox Christians go to the cemetery, where, according to tradition, they tidy up the graves and read prayers for the repose of the souls of the dead.
On Memorial Day, according to tradition, modest meals are arranged - more cutlery is placed on the table, and among the food a ritual dish is always served - kutya (wheat porridge with raisins, nuts, drizzled with honey) - symbolizing faith in eternal life and resurrection.
The tradition of remembering the dead existed even among the pagans - they remembered their loved ones who died untimely on special Saturdays.
In ancient times, it was believed that autumn and winter meet for the first time in a year precisely on Pokrovskaya parental Saturday, and the snow that fell at this time was a Divine sign - “veil”.
People believed that on Mother's Day of the Intercession, commemoration of the souls of the departed was very important, and in order to please guests from the other world, they prepared food for them and performed all the necessary rituals.
We need to pray for the dead
Prayer for the departed is our main and invaluable help to those who have passed into another world. The deceased, by and large, does not need a coffin, a grave monument, much less a memorial table - all this is just a tribute to traditions, albeit very pious ones. But the eternally living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for constant prayer, for it cannot itself do good deeds with which it would be able to appease the Lord.
Home prayer for loved ones, including the dead, is the duty of every Orthodox Christian. St. Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow, speaks about prayer for the dead: “If the all-discerning Wisdom of God does not forbid praying for the dead, does this not mean that it is still allowed to throw a rope, although not always reliable enough, but sometimes, and perhaps often, saving for souls who have fallen away from the shores of temporary life, but have not reached eternal refuge?
Saving for those souls who waver over the abyss between bodily death and the final judgment of Christ, now rising by faith, now plunging into deeds unworthy of it, now elevated by grace, now brought down by the remains of a damaged nature, now ascended by Divine desire, now entangled in the rough, not yet completely stripped of the clothes of earthly thoughts..."
Home prayerful commemoration of a deceased Christian is very diverse. You should pray especially diligently for the deceased in the first forty days after his death. As already indicated in the section “Reading the Psalter for the Dead,” during this period it is very useful to read the Psalter about the deceased, at least one kathisma per day. You can also recommend reading an akathist about the repose of the departed. In general, the Church commands us to pray every day for deceased parents, relatives, known people and benefactors. For this purpose, the following short prayer is included in the daily morning prayers:
Prayer for the departed
Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.
It is more convenient to read names from a commemoration book - a small book where the names of living and deceased relatives are written down. There is a pious custom of keeping family memorials, reading which Orthodox people remember by name many generations of their deceased ancestors.
What you can and cannot do on Intercession Saturday
On this day, it is customary for the Eastern Slavs to visit cemeteries, tidy up the graves, preparing them for winter. Also, on Intercession Saturday, it was always customary to arrange a large memorial meal, first in the cemetery, and then at home. The Orthodox Church does not approve of feasts at graves and recommends remembering loved ones after visiting a church and cemetery, at home.
According to the folk calendar, on this day it is customary to begin preparing for winter - the autumn slaughter of livestock began in the villages, and on Pokrov the cattle were finally put in stalls. On this day, the villagers collectively remembered their loved ones with a hearty meal and even brought bread from the flour of the new harvest to the cemetery to “treat” the deceased and say goodbye to them until spring.
There was such a saying among the people: “On the Intercession before lunch it’s summer, after lunch it’s winter.” And although it was directly related to the holiday of the Intercession, it contained a hint of the nature of the Day of Remembrance of the Dead. In villages and villages, grief for loved ones who had left the earthly world was strangely intertwined with entertainment. According to custom, the last festivities fell on Intercession Saturday, and after Intercession the time for Pokrovsk evenings and home gatherings began.
Probably, historians believe, this tradition goes back to the pre-Christian period of the Slavs, since the custom of commemorating the dead - it is known for certain - existed among our pagan ancestors. They had special Saturdays on which they remembered their loved ones who had died untimely.
In order for our deceased loved ones to feel our support and prayerful help, we must learn to honor their eternal memory according to all the rules.
You cannot submit memorial notes for the liturgy, as well as order memorial services, magpies and other specific services “for the remembrance of the soul” for unbaptized persons and suicides. All others can be remembered without restrictions.
On the day of remembrance, one should behave quietly, modestly, in thoughts about the dead, in prayer for the salvation of their souls. You can and should visit the temple and attend the service.
The most important thing for any deceased is commemoration at the proskomedia. Thus, the sins committed by the deceased are cleansed and atoned for by immersion in the blood of Christ, the great sacrifice. You should keep this in mind and submit a note on the day of remembrance to perform this ritual.
It’s good to pray not only in church, but also at home. There are special prayers for the departed, and these must be read - always with attention, reverence and meekness in the heart.
According to folk tradition, on days such as Intercession Parents' Saturday, one should take food to the temple or bake pies, buns, cookies, buy sweets and distribute all these delicacies to friends and strangers, especially children and neighbors. And it’s also useful for yourself, your family, to remember the deceased.
Going to the cemetery on Memorial Day was also mentioned earlier. We can only add that it is better not to leave treats at the grave, as this is contrary to the Christian Orthodox tradition. It is better to take fresh flowers or a special wreath of artificial plants there, clean up, communicate with the deceased in peace, and pray for the repose of his soul.