One of the common questions is: is a metal, stone or wooden cross in a cemetery more appropriate for a Christian? Some believers who are seeing off a loved one on their last journey have questions about proper burial. Any priest will answer unequivocally that in fact there is no fundamental soul-saving difference when choosing material for a Christian monument. What's the point?

The cross is a visible sign of protection and divine protection. This symbol scares unclean spirits and the devil himself. But the sign itself has meaning, not the material from which it is made. You will read the word, whether it is written in ink, paint or charcoal, because the main thing is the meaning embedded in the product.

But for some reason, many Russian people want to see a wooden cross in a cemetery, refusing metal and stone ones. Some vague inner feeling suggests that a wooden one is more correct... And this is by no means casual. The fact is that in Rus' wood was the most common material; houses were built from it. And basically everyone: laymen, people in rank, and elders were given a wooden cross in the cemetery. For this reason, such a main Christian symbol is firmly rooted in the popular consciousness and has roots in the national religious consciousness of the Russian people. It is sung in poems and literature, giving rise to a soothing association for the soul, because wood is a “warmer” material that reminds a person of his connection with nature, which was created by God for man. Man was created from the earth by God and will go into the earth. A tree, a symbol of the life-giving cross, has its roots in the ground. Therefore, it is not surprising that Christian believers gravitate toward wooden ritual products that awaken such chains of associations and good thoughts.

But nevertheless, installing a cross from any material is completely acceptable and from a Christian point of view is not forbidden. Stone crosses were installed at the graves of many famous elders. But if you prefer a wooden one, then it is better to choose one that is stronger and more reliable, and will be made in accordance with technologies that allow for longer-term preservation of the wooden product. You can choose to order products from more than fifty samples from our Orthodox workshop. We can also produce according to your individual sketches.

It is necessary to paint it correctly, then it will last a long time. The fence is a problematic surface. Every day she is exposed to sunlight and all kinds of precipitation. peels off, rust appears, and the metal begins to lose its properties. Due to such changes, the fence takes on an unsightly appearance.

How to prepare a fence for painting

First of all, you need to get rid of the old coating. A metal brush will help in this matter. Areas of paint that are easily separated from the surface can be removed with a spatula. The next step is to clean the paint from the metal with a brush. To soften the paint a little and make work easier, you can use a solvent.

It is worth applying a rust neutralizer to clean metal, which will remove the yellow-orange formations. When all stages have been completed, you can begin fencing.

What paint to paint the fence

There are several types paint coatings for metal. You can find economical paint in construction stores or choose a durable coating.

The simplest option is to paint the grave fence with simple PF-115 enamel, which is suitable for many types of surfaces. The enamel comes in a variety of colors, it is economical in price, but this coating will last for 2 years, then the paint will begin to peel off.

If the choice fell on PF-115 enamel, then it is worth pre-treating the metal surface with a primer with the anti-corrosion component GF-021. This will significantly extend the service life.

From economical options It is worth noting the so-called “silver”, “iron lead”. They are always available in stores, so when the paint starts to peel off, you can quickly renew the surface.

But there are paints that do not require GF-021 to be applied before application. These are primer enamels from various manufacturers. An example is primer-enamel 3 in 1 Russian production"Dali." This product has 6 color options, is very economical to use and affordable in price. The surface then remains unchanged for 5–6 years.

For those looking for more durable options, stores offer "Hammerite" for metal surfaces. The result is a very durable and strong coating. The paint prevents the formation of rust on metal, perfectly repels moisture, and does not require prior priming of the surface.

Driving past any Orthodox cemetery, you can see such an “interesting” picture when a monument is erected on the grave, and behind it is a wooden cross. It may be dilapidated, but nevertheless it is not cleaned.

If you came across new graves in the cemetery, you also noticed that a wooden cross was installed in the graveyard, which was not subsequently removed, but a monument was erected in front of it. What is this connected with? Why does he always remain at the grave?

The cross symbolizes Christianity, therefore all graves where an Orthodox baptized person is buried are marked with this sign. The Cross is called Life-Giving, i.e. giving life, since the Lord delivered us from eternal death in hell and gave us eternal life in the kingdom of Heaven. At the end of his life's journey, the now deceased Christian rested on the mercy of the Crucified Lord, and now hopes for resurrection and eternal life. In addition, the cross installed on the churchyard tends upward and means that the body of the deceased Orthodox Christian is here, and his soul is already in heaven and is growing for life in the Kingdom of Heaven.

You can often find metal products in churchyards, forged using beautiful patterns. So the relatives of the deceased decide to somewhat simplify their task and future expenses, so they install a metal Symbol of Faith, which will retain its original appearance for a long time. Stone crosses are also often found, but their installation must take place after the earth has completely settled, otherwise it may sway significantly and completely fall. Due to this behavior of the soil, it is recommended to buy a grave cross. It is much lighter than other varieties.

In addition, this type of product is quite economical, since today the burial of a deceased person entails large financial expenses. Subsequently, the wooden cross is left and a monument can be erected in front of it. For production, wood such as oak, pine, aspen or cypress is used. You can make a wooden cross from the first three tree species yourself. It should also be noted that not everyone installs the product correctly. It should be placed at the feet of the deceased, because he must pray facing the cross.

All nations have their own principles of burial, but when a person dies, a lot of questions arise related to the design and installation of a cross on the grave .

An Orthodox cross must be placed on the grave immediately after burial.

Where is the cross placed on the grave of Orthodox Christians?

If there is a cross on the grave, this indicates that the deceased was a Christian. Orthodox Christians, as a rule, place an eight-pointed Orthodox cross on the grave. They bury him with his head facing west so that he can see the sunrise.

The cross at the feet allows the deceased to see the cross and pray to it.

It is worth noting: Sometimes a photograph of the deceased is screwed onto the cross, but priests do not advise doing this. It is best to write on the plate the date of death and birth, as well as the last name, first name, and patronymic of the deceased.

Why do they put a cross on the grave?

In Orthodoxy, he places a cross on the grave due to the fact that the deceased believed in Christ and wore a cross during his life, and now he is under the protection of the Crucifixion, located facing the dead, so that at the resurrection he can rise from the grave and see the weapon of victory over the devil.

Proportions and dimensions of the cross on the grave

The dimensions of the cross on the grave themselves may be different, but they must correspond to the “Golden Ratio”. The cross bar of the cross should be equal to 1/3 of the height of the product itself, which is multiplied by 2 and it turns out that the upper end is 1/3 of the center of the cross.

The side strips should also be equal to 1/3, and the bottom part will be 2/3. An inclined strip is nailed to the bottom of the cross, which will be parallel to the top of the cross. The slope of the bar itself should be 45 degrees, and the length should be equal to the length of the sign.

The slanting crossbar on the cross represents the scales of justice. According to the Bible, two thieves were crucified on Golgotha, one was on the left side of Christ, and the other on the right. On the right side, the thief repented and received forgiveness, and this is indicated by the oblique end of the crossbar, which is directed upward.

How to make a metal cross with your own hands?

Temporary grave crosses are most often made of wood, but can also be made of metal. Previously, crosses were made of iron, sometimes they were coated with titanium coating; they could also use steel and cast iron.

Many people buy metal crosses in funeral stores, but sometimes loved ones make such a cross with their own hands. Yet again its dimensions must necessarily comply with the proportions of the “Divine Section”.

In order to make this cross yourself you need to choose profile pipe, also a sign on which to write down information about the deceased. Before installation, it is necessary to paint the products in the desired color. Afterwards, it is advisable to coat it with anti-corrosion varnish so that the iron does not become rusty.

How to make a wooden cross with your own hands?

It is quite easy to make a wooden cross for a grave; in order for it to turn out beautiful and correct, you need to know basic carpentry skills.

After the cross is made according to the structure of the “Golden Section”, at the end of the work the cross must be impregnated with stain and varnished.

Is it possible to change the cross on a grave?

If the cross on the grave has become worn out and rotten over time, then it can be replaced with a new one, but the old cross must be burned.

The fact is that in the Russian Orthodox Church wood was the most common material from which crosses were created in the cemetery. Our ancestors did not paint crosses, i.e. left the material as it is.

But today many people are thinking about how to preserve the memory of a loved one, and so that the cross does not get lost. appearance and stood much longer, before covering the cross with varnish and stain, it is necessary to clean out all the irregularities and make the surface smooth. Then cover the cross with stain, and then with varnish. The varnish does not dry immediately after a certain period of time.

Some people cover the cross with wax, then it acquires a matte tint and this protects it from bark beetles and sunlight. There are several types of painting of crosses, but when choosing a coating, you need to pay attention so that the coating itself can protect the wood from environmental influences.

What to do with the cross after installing the monument?

Most priests argue that after a wooden cross is replaced with a monument, it must be burned and the remaining ashes scattered on the grave in the form of a Cross. If it is impossible to burn it, then in this case the cross is dismantled and buried in the tombstone.

The church allows the wooden cross to be cut and buried next to the grave or given to poor people who do not have the means to install such funeral paraphernalia.

If there is a church or chapel on the territory of the cemetery, then, as a rule, the cross is brought to the clergy, and they make sure that it is burned according to all the rules.

What should an Orthodox Christian do?

We are sometimes tormented by questions that arise in life during difficult times.

Because of ignorance, we do not know how to act as a Christian in a given situation.

Remembrance of the Dead.

When can you bury an urn with ashes?

Is it possible to bury an urn containing the ashes of the deceased in the afternoon? How long after the burial of the urn with ashes can a monument be placed on the grave?

Natalya, 30 years old, accountant, Yekaterinburg

Dear Natalya, the time of burial of the urn with ashes, as well as the time of installation of the monument on the grave, is not regulated by the Church.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

What color should I paint the crosses on the grave, and what should I do with old crosses?

There are very shabby wooden crosses on the parents' graves. I want to replace them with metal ones. What color can crosses be painted? What to do with wooden crosses?

Sergey, 67 years old, pensioner
Zhukovsky, Moscow region

Dear Sergey, the color of the cross is in no way regulated by the rules of the Orthodox Church. Rely on your taste. The main thing is that there is decorum in the design of the graves of our relatives and friends. As for the old wooden cross, it can be burned or buried there, in the grave.

Deacon Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

If a person died in one city, and the funeral service in absentia takes place in another, where should the land go?

If a person died in one city, and the funeral service in absentia takes place in another city, where should the land go? Is it possible to pour it onto a grave that is located on the territory of a church?

Alexandra, 51 years old

Dear Alexandra, indeed, in modern practice, a tradition has developed when, during the funeral service, the priest blesses the earth three times, saying the words: “The earth is the Lord’s, and its fulfillment, the universe and all who live on it” (Ps. 23:1). Let us make a reservation that this ritual action is not specified by the Church Charter and is not something very important, therefore there is no need to attach too much importance to it. If a person’s grave is missing or is located very far from the place of residence of relatives and it is not possible to get to it, then there is no need to take the land after the funeral in absentia.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

How can I find comfort after the death of someone close to me?

In November 2009, a very close and dear person to me died in an accident! But I found out about his death only on January 1, this year. But I dreamed of him on the night of December 30-31 of that year, and the dream was so bright and warm! With what it can be connected? I was not at the funeral, and therefore could not say goodbye to him, and for some reason his relatives do not say where he is buried! And from the moment I found out about the loss, my soul has been very heavy! It feels like I couldn’t say much to him or say goodbye at all! Could you tell me how to deal with this? I still can’t get used to the idea that he’s gone!

Olga, 25 years old, Moscow

Dear Olga, dreams most often occur from natural causes, either physiological or mental-emotional. In the Christian tradition, the attitude towards dreams is very wary, so I recommend that you do not think about the meaning of this or that dream. Your heartfelt grief for someone dear to you is very understandable. But remember that earthly life- this is only a temporary separation. Pray for his repose, pray with faith, zeal, love and hope for a future meeting in eternal life. And over time, your grief will subside.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

How can Orthodox children pray for the repose of their unbaptized father?

In family Orthodox people father died (Jewish by birth). The family had a question about burial. The deceased’s siblings insisted on a Jewish burial, the wife and children of the deceased insisted on an Orthodox burial, and the father himself expressed indifference during his lifetime (since he never believed in anything), but there was a dying request for burial in a suit and in a cemetery not far from the house (it Orthodox). The children, at the insistence of the deceased’s siblings, turned to the rabbis to find a compromise, to correctly interpret all aspects of the burial, but were faced with understatement, deception, and a much greater interest in money than in informing and helping the already suffering relatives. Unfortunately, we did not find a worthy interpretation... And the customs of Jewish burial themselves could not be accepted unambiguously among Orthodox people living in Russia. As a result, according to the laws of Jewish burial, there was only a reading and the presence of rabbis in the morgue and in the cemetery. The question is: how and to whom to pray for the soul of the deceased now? What customs should be observed now after the burial? What can his Orthodox children do for a deceased Jewish father? Can they pray for him in church, light candles, and remember him?

Olga, 30 years old, management, Moscow

Dear Olga, you can pray for an unbaptized relative both at home and in church. But prayer in church should be limited only to remembrance in the heart. Eucharistic commemoration of the unbaptized is impossible, as well as any church ceremonies should not be carried out against them. That is, you cannot submit notes for them. Because during the Divine Liturgy only members of the Church of Christ are remembered, those who during their lifetime believed in God, wanted to be with Christ, in the Sacrament of Baptism chose for themselves life with God in His Church, life according to His holy commandments. And we cannot and should not forcibly drag those who, for one reason or another, did not want to be a Christian into the Church, that is, to a place where they themselves did not want to be. And it would be fair to them not to perform their church commemoration. But it is necessary to remember them in home prayer. And here we must remember the words of the apostle that “the fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16). Therefore, the living need to live piously and pray with faith for the repose of their deceased relative. In addition to prayer, we must not forget about the works of mercy that we must perform in memory of our deceased relatives and friends.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

How to pray for an unbaptized father?

Hello. We have this question. The fact is that my father died unbaptized. He was very ill, but no one expected that he would die, so they did not have time to call the clergyman home. We were worried about this, because it is impossible to perform a funeral service for an unbaptized person. But in the morgue at the hospital, where my father was staying before the funeral, they told us that it was possible to perform a funeral service for an unbaptized person (explaining this by the fact that in Soviet times, at the time when the father was born, priests went to maternity hospitals and secretly baptized babies). The funeral service was held for my father, and we ordered a memorial service for a year. We were also allowed to commemorate him in a simple church (which we did), but we know that it is impossible to commemorate an unbaptized person, much less assign such a duty to a clergyman. There is a church for the unbaptized, we go to it and pray to Saint War. We were also told to put a cross on the grave. Please tell me how correctly we should pray for our father: as for a baptized person or not? This question really bothers me.

Olga, 34 years old, Moscow

Hello Olga! It is impossible to pray for the unbaptized at the liturgy, as well as at a memorial service. The only thing you can do is light a candle, commemorate it at home prayer, and pray to St. Martyr Uar. You have been told that your father may have been baptized. How can you hope for this? But did he show himself in life as an Orthodox Christian? Did you wear a cross, did you pray to God? After all, a person’s faith must necessarily manifest itself in his deeds. The Apostle James speaks about this in his letter: “that faith without works is dead...” (James 2.20). That is, if a person even was baptized, but in his life did not identify himself with God in any way, then he separates himself from the source of all good things - God. He doesn't need a Creator. So why force him into the Kingdom of Heaven? The Lord specially created a place for such people who did not want to be with him on earth. This is the place where He is not. If a person strove for God, prayed to Him, but due to his sudden death could not be baptized, then, I think, the Lord will definitely accept him. And you can pray for him. But in any case, it is advisable for you to talk to the priest in person; for this you need to come to the nearest temple. Moreover, I don’t quite understand what kind of church this is for the unbaptized and the church for the simple?

Priest Roman Mironov,

How can we move on after the death of our husband and father?

My husband died in April. Tell me when and where should I put his things? Is it possible for me to move from the apartment where we lived? How to live further? Why did he leave me alone with two children, why and why all this?

Natasha, 27 years old, Severodvinsk

Dear Natalya, we cannot know why the Lord allowed the early death of a person close to us. There is a wise saying: “The destinies of God are inscrutable.” One thing can be said with confidence: the Lord desires our salvation and leads each of us to salvation, albeit in ways that are not always clear to us.

Of course, the fact that you lost your beloved husband, and your children lost their father, is a very difficult loss. And there are no words that could bring peace and save your life from sorrow. The main thing is that natural grief for the deceased does not plunge you, Natalya, into despondency or murmur. After all, death is not the destruction of a person, but only a temporary separation of the soul from the body. The soul of the deceased continues its conscious life. Death, thanks to the salvation accomplished by our Lord Jesus Christ, is no longer a dead end, not a wall, but like a door to eternity, where the Divine light shines, where the truth of God reigns, where there is no sorrow, where the souls of the faithful find eternal joy and peace. We will all rise from the dead, meet the people we love, and live forever. After all, the purpose of the coming to earth of the Son of God was to restore to people the immortal life they had lost due to sin. The resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ from the dead is the beginning of our resurrection. The Apostle Paul consoles Christians who have lost their loved ones with these words: “I do not want you, brothers, to be ignorant about the dead, so that you do not grieve like others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, then God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For we say this to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will not warn those who have died, because the Lord Himself will come down from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the Archangel and the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first; Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord” (1 Thess. 4:13-14). The same Apostle Paul, in his first Epistle to the Corinthian Church, sets out the Christian view of life and death: “For we know that when our earthly house, this hut, is destroyed, we have from God a dwelling in heaven, a house not made with hands, eternal. That is why we sigh, wanting to put on our heavenly dwelling; As long as we don’t end up naked even though we’re dressed. For we, being in this hut, groan under the burden, because we do not want to be undressed, but to be clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up with life. It is for this very reason that God created us and gave us the guarantee of the Spirit. So, we are always in good spirits; and since we know that, being at home in the body, we are removed from the Lord (for we walk by faith and not by sight), we are well-natured and wish rather to leave the body and be at home with the Lord” (2 Cor. 5: 1-15).

Find comfort in your husband and father by praying for him. A private trial is carried out over a person who passes from this life to eternity, and the person himself can no longer change anything in his posthumous fate. But our deceased can be helped by us who remain here in this world. We can help, first of all, by our prayer for them, by our life according to the commandments of God and by the good deeds we do for them. We can beg God to have mercy on the soul of the deceased. The Lord Jesus Christ says: “Whatever you ask in prayer in faith, you will receive” (Matthew 21:22); “Pray for one another” - calls on the Apostle James (James 5:16). Our prayer is an expression of our love, a need for our love. And “love never ceases” (1 Cor. 13:8): it unites us, who remain in this life for now, with our departed relatives and friends. The love of God's saints prompts them to pray for us, and the same love prompts us to pray for all our relatives.

Pray for your husband and father to the Lord God, the Mother of God, the saint whose name your husband bears. Pray that the Lord will grant him peace with the saints, and that the Lady of Heaven and Earth and his saint will intercede for him before the Lord and help him. I am sure that in this prayer, if it is done with faith, you will find consolation for yourself, satisfaction of your love for your spouse, give him a helping hand, and for your love for him you yourself will not lose God’s mercy, for the Lord Himself said: “by what measure do you measure , with this it will be measured to you” (Matthew 7:2).

As for your husband’s things, there are no specific rules. Both prayer and acts of mercy in memory of the deceased are appropriate at any time. And you can do as you please with the apartment - it has nothing to do with faith.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

How to remember a deceased father if the 40th day falls during Lent?

Dad died on February 7th. March 18 - 40 days. Is it possible to go to the grave and on what date will the funeral be held? How to act correctly for the good of his soul without violating the Charter of the Church?

Natalya, 45 years old, disability pensioner, Ishim

Dear Natalya, on this day you can come to the temple and order a memorial service or lithium for your deceased father. You can also pray at the cemetery. And the funeral meal must be in accordance with the Church Charter.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

How does the Church view cremation (if the person has been baptized)?

Andrey, 38 years old, security guard, Moscow

Dear Andrey, you can find out about the Church’s attitude towards cremation in the following material -.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

How can I pray for a deceased comrade who was a Muslim?

A tragedy recently occurred in my life - my friend died. I don't know under what circumstances this happened, i.e. Is it suicide or not? He was a Muslim. I'm baptized. Please tell me, can I light a candle for his repose in the church and go to his grave?

Olga, 19 years old, student, Pavlodar

Dear Olga, church commemoration is performed only for believers, Christians. The Church does not pray for the unbaptized, for those who belonged to other religions. Especially if the person died of his own free will. According to the general Christian idea, such people are left to the will of God, that is, their souls are in the hands of the All-Righteous and All-Merciful Judge. We can perform acts of mercy in memory of them, and also remember them in our personal prayers.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

I have a strange dream about my late father. How can I help him?

Half a year ago my dad died. He died suddenly in the hospital. He had a heart condition, the doctors said they did not expect this, he was only 45 years old. Now I often dream about my dad, which is not very good: twice I dreamed that he was sitting in a chair and said that he was all on fire, I touched him - he was all hot and I started looking for an antipyretic for him; then the dream was that he was dressed in the suit in which we buried him, and some people were strangling him. Tell me, please, what could it be that he is burning with fire and how can I help him? But my sister always dreams of him well, that he is happy and smiling.

Yulia, 26 years old, artist, Moscow

Julia, hello! Go to the temple and order a memorial service and magpie for the repose of your father. And don’t pay attention to dreams: what you dreamed was most likely caused by your experiences. God help you!

Priest Artemy Zhdanov,

Can pregnant women attend funerals?

Please answer, is it possible for pregnant women to attend a funeral, memorial dinner, burial, stay at a cemetery, farewell, or not? Why am I asking, my sister, being pregnant, did not go to the funeral of a close relative, citing the fact that women (pregnant women) are not allowed to attend such events. Is it true?

Alexei

Dear Alexey, the opinion that attending a funeral or visiting a cemetery can somehow mystically harm a pregnancy or child is a gross superstition. Another question is if the funeral of a loved one can cause strong feelings in a pregnant woman, which in turn can negatively affect the woman’s health. Complications can also be caused by inclement weather at the cemetery. Be that as it may, this is my advice to you: do not enter into conflict with your sister, but explain her wrong with meekness and love.

Deacon Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

Is it possible to have a funeral service on the Feast of the Nativity of Christ? And is it possible to drink at a wake?

January 7, 2010 my mother's funeral. Is it possible to have a funeral service in church on this day? And the second question. Relatives believe that it is necessary to drink for the repose of the deceased soul at the wake, and also put a glass of vodka for mom and put a piece of black bread on it. Is it correct?

Stela, 62 years old, lawyer, Moscow

Dear Stela, January 7 is the great holiday of the Nativity of Christ. This is what the famous expert on the Orthodox Charter, Saint Athanasius (Sakharov), says about funeral services on the days of great holidays in his book “On the remembrance of the dead according to the Charter of the Orthodox Church”: “The days on which the great, so-called twelfth feasts of the Lord and the Mother of God are celebrated, the Holy Church protects not only from everything sad, repentant, sorrowful, but also removes all other celebrations from them, so that no one and nothing distracts the thoughts of believers from the main and only subject of festive praise and glorification, festive reflections and contemplation.<…>Therefore, on great holidays, all deliberate funeral prayers are postponed. On these days, they should not only not be present at public services, but they should not even be present in the form of private demands during non-liturgical times.” As we can see, any funeral services on holidays are inappropriate. But still in exceptional cases Saint Athanasius allows them: “if on a great holiday, for some exceptional reason and urgent need, it was necessary to perform a funeral service, then it should be completely isolated from public holiday worship, should, if possible, be performed not in the temple, but in another place.” . About how to act more prudently in your situation, talk with the priest who will perform the funeral service for your mother.

As for the second part of your question, it must be said with certainty that the custom of drinking at a wake or setting out a glass of vodka for the deceased is an impious custom. It dates back to pagan times, when the pagans, with their rather primitive worldview, thought that the deceased rejoiced when they saw their loved ones drinking to their health or they themselves shared a funeral feast with the living. Of course, a Christian knows that the deceased does not need such commemoration and rejoices not in the amount of vodka we drink, but in the measures of piety and prayer that we offer for him.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

Is it possible to perform a funeral service for my mother before reburial, or is it better to do this at the final burial?

In January 2009, my mother went missing. After a year, we were shown photographs of the deceased and buried woman. It was impossible to identify that it was my mother, but after a genetic examination they confirmed that it was my mother. There was no funeral service for her; we didn’t remember her because we didn’t know. She is buried in an empty cemetery for the unidentified. I would like to rebury her. Can I perform a funeral service for her before reburial, or is it better to do this at the final burial? Mom was a very religious person and it seems to me that she is now very uneasy and inveterate. And one more question: how does the Church feel about cremation? Transporting a coffin that is already more than a year old can cause many problems at the border. I would like to bury my mother in my homeland in Uzbekistan. I don’t dream about my mother, but lately she has often been dreaming about her sister, saying that she wants to eat. Perhaps this is because they haven’t held a wake in a year? When can the first wake be held? More than a year has passed since his death.

Lyudmila, 22 years old, student, Moscow

Dear Lyudmila, you can perform your mother’s funeral service without waiting for reburial. As for the wake, it should be noted that this is far from the most important thing in commemorating the dead. Our deceased relatives and friends, first of all, need our prayerful remembrances (lithiums, memorial services and other funeral services for them) and the good deeds that we do in memory of them. And you can find out about the Church’s attitude towards cremation in the following material -.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

Is it possible to remember the deceased in the first week of Lent?

Lent begins on February 15, 2010. And on this day it will be 5 years since the death of my wife’s father. Is it possible to remember the deceased in the first week of fasting? Or is it better to remember ahead of schedule?

Nikolay, 46 years old, engineer, Pavlodar

Dear Nicholas, for the deliberate commemoration of the departed during Lent, three Saturdays are allocated - the 2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Lent. General commemoration of the departed on the weekdays of Great Lent is performed almost daily at the so-called ordinary litias, which in some churches are served at the end of the 1st hour or Vespers. This is what limits the church commemoration of the departed during the days of Great Lent. On one of these Saturdays, your wife’s father may be commemorated. To do this, you will need to come to the temple at the beginning of the Divine Liturgy, submit a memorial note and pray during the Liturgy and at the memorial service, which will be performed at the end of the Liturgy.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

After my mother’s death, is it possible to wear her ring and keep her portrait and photo?

In December, my mother died, my father is very worried, he constantly cries. We don't know what to do with him anymore! When my mother died, my father took off her wedding ring and, putting it on a chain, wears it around his neck. Can I wear this ring? And is it possible to keep my mother’s portrait and photo at home?

Svetlana 24 years old housewife, Astana

Hello Svetlana! You can keep your mother’s things at home, because this is a memory of her. There is also nothing wrong with your dad wearing her ring on a chain. Only there should be no strong feelings, no tears. For an Orthodox Christian, death is not the end. This is just a transition from this earthly life to eternal life, where there are no sorrows and sorrows, but only joy in God. All your love and devotion should be poured out in prayer. If your mother is baptized, then you need to submit memorial notes for the repose of her soul. Give alms to poor people, read the Psalter yourself. But in any case, you can’t be discouraged, life goes on. And whether your dad wants it or not, you have to live.

Priest Roman Mironov,

cleric of the Church of the Nativity of Pavlodar

Is it possible to put a cross on the grave of an unbeliever?

Evgenia

Dear Evgenia, it is customary for Christians to decorate their resting place with the victorious sign of our salvation - the Holy Life-Giving Cross. It is placed at the feet of the deceased, thereby expressing that the deceased is praying while looking at the cross. But wouldn’t the construction of a Cross on the grave of an atheist be dishonest towards God, towards the Church, and even towards the deceased who chose such a path in life? If you are a believer and it is important for you that there is a Cross on the grave of your unbelieving loved one, do as you please. In any case, this person cannot be left without prayer for the salvation of his soul. Perhaps this Cross will force you to intense prayer for this person.

Deacon Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

The husband died in an accident. I feel guilty

We lived with my common-law husband for almost 10 years. Last summer, he and another person died in an accident. Crash on a motorcycle. My “husband” was driving. How can I make their second life easier, especially for my loved one, since he was responsible for the life of another? And I am also guilty of many of the sins he committed (including abortion, unmarried marriage, great needs). At the moment, whenever possible, I order a memorial service, submit memorial notes, and read several prayers for the deceased in the evening. What else needs to be done to save him?

Alina, 28 years old, Almaty

Dear Alina, of course, you need to think not only about the souls of your loved ones, but also about the salvation of your soul. You need to resort to the soul-saving sacraments of Repentance and Communion of the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. And you can pray for a person with whom you have lived for many years, both in church and at home. The main commemoration of our deceased relatives and friends is performed at the Divine Liturgy, where a bloodless sacrifice is made to God for the living and for the dead. To do this, you need to come to the church before the start of the Liturgy (or the night before) and submit a note with the names of those Orthodox Christians for whom you offer your prayers. There are also days of special commemoration of the dead - meat-free parental Saturday, 2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Great Lent, Trinity and Dimitrievskaya parental Saturdays. These days, in churches at the end of the Divine Liturgy, special rites are served for the deceased, which are called memorial services. These days are moveable - each year they fall on different dates of the calendar. On birthdays, death days, name days, when the memory of the saint whose name the deceased bore is celebrated, you also need to come to the temple and order a memorial service. Memorial services and litias can be celebrated on any other day. Perform acts of mercy in memory of your deceased relatives and friends, pray for the repose of their souls in personal prayers, read the Psalter for the departed.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

Didn't we harm our mother if we buried her on the Feast of the Annunciation?

Mom lived in a village where the church had long been destroyed, so they prayed and read at home. Grandmother, aunt and mother did this; grandmothers occasionally came to visit them. As I understand it, they were wary of the church, and perhaps they can be considered Old Believers. The question is that my mother died on April 6, on the third day of Easter, they said there was no need to read it, but we didn’t print the land, a friend of my mother called and said that they would do it themselves and hand it over. When should this be done? Or maybe I should do this myself? And yet, we buried my mother on April 7, a holiday, whether we had harmed her soul, but in rural conditions it was impossible to postpone. I ordered magpies from several churches and am praying.

Galina, 51 years old, engineer, Taganrog

Hello, Galina! There is nothing sinful in the fact that you buried your mother on the day of the Annunciation. The coffin is sealed with earth after the funeral service. They do this as quickly as possible. The funeral service is performed by a priest, but if he cannot, then any Orthodox person can seal it. But they do this to Orthodox Christians. This is especially true for the Magpies. You need to find out well whether your mother was baptized in Orthodoxy? It is very important. If not, then you cannot serve masses and magpies for her.

Priest Roman Mironov,

cleric of the Church of the Nativity of Pavlodar

Is it still necessary to order a memorial service if a mass of repose or magpie has been ordered?

Is it still necessary to order a memorial service if a mass “for repose” has been ordered, or a magpie with a large prosphora has been ordered? It is written in church literature that there is nothing higher than mass, so I always order only mass. But aren’t my deceased relatives suffering because I don’t order memorial services?
Best regards, Alexandra

Dear Alexandra, commemoration during the Divine Liturgy is very important, since here the deceased is remembered in conciliar unity with the entire Orthodox Church - a bloodless Eucharistic sacrifice is offered for him. But we should not forget about other commemorations, since our loved ones and relatives really need our prayer. You can order Sorokoust in the church - commemoration at 40 services. The deceased are also remembered at memorial services and litias, performed both in the church and in the cemetery, and are remembered in personal prayer (there are prayers that are included in the morning and evening prayer rules). It’s good if you read the Psalter for the departed (in large prayer books there are instructions on how to read it for the departed, there you will find a hint on how to do this). And, of course, the works of mercy that we must perform in memory of our deceased.

Deacon Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

Should you celebrate a birthday if forty days have not passed since your mother’s death?

Mom died recently, but it’s not 40 days yet. It's my birthday. At work they ask me to assemble a table. What should I do?

Andrey, 32 years old, driver, Penza

Dear Andrey, the Church does not determine how long mourning for a deceased loved one should continue. It seems that celebrating a birthday in the near future after the death of a loved one is not entirely appropriate, especially if the celebration falls during Lent. Maybe you should explain to your colleagues the untimeliness of this celebration and agree to reschedule it for another time?

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

After my grandmother's funeral, we took her photo home from the cemetery, after which we got sick

I buried my grandmother last Saturday. There was a funeral service, we ordered a magpie, a psalter, a memorial service... But the question is that, by coincidence, the photographs of the grandmother were mixed up. One was intended for the grave, and the second for the wake and in the house (with a black ribbon). We changed them almost immediately, but the photograph that stood on the grave for some time is now in our home. The day after the funeral, I, the young man who changed the photo, and my mother fell ill. Stomach upset, fever, etc. Many people told us and continue to say that it was impossible to take a photograph from a cemetery and take it home. Before bringing it home, we washed it and the frame with water. Is this a superstition? What would you advise us to do? Some
They even advise you to burn the photo... Every day my mother and I read prayers for repose and light candles. We really want to help our grandmother. She was baptized and was a kind and good person.

Valeria, 24 years old, St. Petersburg

Dear Valeria, you are doing everything right, praying for the repose of your grandmother. I am sure that the photograph that was taken home from the cemetery cannot in any way affect the posthumous fate of your grandmother, as well as the life and health of you and your loved ones. There is no need to attach supernatural significance to this. And there is no need to burn the photo.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

I had a dream - how to interpret it?

I had a dream: I remember my newly deceased father in church near the icon, and then a hand reaches out from the right side and places a broken candle next to mine. What does this dream mean? 40 days have not yet passed. This worries me very much.

Alla

Dear Alla, dreams most often occur from natural causes, either physiological or mental-emotional. Of course, experiences associated with the loss of a parent or loved one can evoke various images in dreams, but there is no need to try to somehow mystically interpret them. You need to pray earnestly for the repose of your father’s soul and with the hope of meeting him in eternal life. About some general principles Read the relationship to the dreams of an Orthodox person here -.

Deacon Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

Deceased relatives dream and ask for help. What can I do?

Deceased relatives dream and ask for help. They don’t specify which one. What can I do?

Olga, 19 years old, student, Moscow

Dear Olga, it is better not to trust dreams. And deceased relatives need your prayers and good deeds. You can pray for their repose both in church and at home. The main commemoration of our deceased relatives and friends is performed at the Divine Liturgy, where a bloodless sacrifice is made to God for the living and for the dead. To do this, you need to come to the church before the start of the Liturgy (or the night before) and submit a note with the names of those Orthodox Christians for whom you offer your prayers. There are also days of special commemoration of the dead - meat-free parental Saturday, 2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Great Lent, Trinity and Dimitrievskaya parental Saturdays. These days, in churches at the end of the Divine Liturgy, special rites are served for the deceased, which are called memorial services. These days are moveable - each year they fall on different dates of the calendar. On birthdays, death days, name days, when the memory of the saint whose name the deceased bore is celebrated, you also need to come to the temple and order a memorial service. Memorial services and litias can be celebrated on any other day. Perform acts of mercy in memory of your deceased relatives and friends, pray for the repose of their souls in personal prayers, read the Psalter for the departed. If your relatives have not been baptized, then church commemoration is impossible, just as any church rites should not be performed in relation to them. That is, you cannot submit notes for them, but you can only pray in your heart.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

Are people who live after a suicide attempt and die in a hospital considered suicidal?

Please explain, are people suicides who hurt themselves, wanting to kill themselves, but lived after that for several more hours, days, and died in the hospital? And is it possible to light candles for the repose of their souls in church? My grandmother drank poison and suffered in the hospital for several days, but they could not save her. And my husband’s father, being seriously ill with cancer, jumped from the 3rd floor, but did not die, and lived in the hospital for another 4 hours.

Yulia, 42 years old, office worker, Moscow

Julia, hello! A person who deliberately takes his own life, regardless of when death occurs, is a suicide. Suicidal people include drug addicts and alcoholics. The only exception may be if the person has time to confess before death or there is a certificate that the person who committed suicide is mentally ill and is registered at a Psychiatric Dispensary. You can light candles for the repose of the souls of suicides. God help you!

Priest Artemy Zhdanov,

rector of St. Nicholas Church in the village of Leninsky

What should we do if we left a burning candle at my grandfather’s grave, which set the wreaths on fire?

I am very uneasy at heart, and I want to ask you for advice and opinion. My girlfriend and I visited the grave of my grandfather on January 2, 2010. We cleaned the grave, after which we lit a candle there and read the “Ordinance of Litia” without extinguishing the candle. Then, having said goodbye, we went to stand a service in the Church of St. Sergius of Radonezh, which is located in the cemetery in the village of Komyagina, Pushkin district. Before leaving the grave, I had an unpleasant feeling in my soul and anxiety because the candle was left unextinguished, I toiled, stopped several times, looked around, but everything seemed to be fine, and it was almost burning out, we decided after all go to service. About 15 minutes after the service began, we were informed that the wreaths had caught fire at one of the graves. After leaving the service, we ran to the grave, and sure enough, two wreaths melted, and one burned almost completely, by the way, on which there was a photograph in a frame with a black ribbon. The tape also burned and melted, the cardboard on the back of the frame came off, but the photograph remained completely untouched. The fact is that grandfather will be forty days old on January 5, 2010, and here is an incident that, again, haunts me. We defended the service, everything went well. Please respond to my request within forty days. Maybe something needs to be done: go to church and ask our Lord God for forgiveness and pray for my grandfather.

Roman, 27 years old, Yubileiny

Dear Roman, do not pay attention to what happened and do not look for some mystical meaning in it. But from now on, be careful with fire near flammable objects. And, of course, it is necessary to pray for the repose of your grandfather’s soul. Pray both in church and at home. The main commemoration of our deceased relatives and friends is performed at the Divine Liturgy, where a bloodless sacrifice is made to God for the living and for the dead. To do this, you need to come to the church before the start of the Liturgy (or the night before) and submit a note with the names of those Orthodox Christians for whom you offer your prayers. There are also days of special commemoration of the dead - meat-free parental Saturday, 2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Great Lent, Trinity and Dimitrievskaya parental Saturdays. These days, in churches at the end of the Divine Liturgy, special rites are served for the deceased, which are called memorial services. These days are moveable - each year they fall on different dates of the calendar. On the birthday of the deceased, the day of death, name day (when the memory of the saint whose name the deceased bore is celebrated), you also need to come to the temple and order a memorial service. Memorial services and litias can be served on any other day. Perform acts of mercy in memory of your deceased relatives and friends, pray for the repose of their souls in personal prayers, read the Psalter for the departed.

Priest Alexy Stepanov,

cleric of the Annunciation Cathedral in Pavlodar

What should I do if my grandmother, who died recently, appears in my dreams?

My grandmother died. 9 days have already passed, and 40 have not yet arrived. For the third night in a row I have been dreaming about her (the first time - she was at home, the second - at someone else's wedding, where all the people were in white, the third - a letter came from her). Although she never spoke to me in my dreams or asked for anything. How should I understand this? What should I do? What prayers should I recite?

Natalya, 23 years old, Kursk

Dear Natalya, dreams most often occur from natural causes, either physiological or mental-emotional. Of course, experiences associated with the loss of a loved one can evoke various images in dreams, but there is no need to try to somehow mystically interpret them. In Christianity, it is not customary to trust dreams, since you can easily trust what you shouldn’t. And your grandmother needs prayer - yours and all her family and friends. You can pray for the repose of your grandmother’s soul both in church and at home. The main commemoration of our deceased relatives and friends is performed at the Divine Liturgy, where a bloodless sacrifice is made to God for the living and for the dead. To do this, you need to come to the church before the start of the Liturgy (or the night before) and submit a note with the names of those Orthodox Christians for whom you offer your prayers. There are also days of special commemoration of the dead - meat-free parental Saturday, 2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Great Lent, Trinity and Dimitrievskaya parental Saturdays. These days, in churches at the end of the Divine Liturgy, special rites are served for the deceased, which are called memorial services. These days are moveable - each year they fall on different dates of the calendar. On birthdays, death days, name days, when the memory of the saint whose name the deceased bore is celebrated, you also need to come to the temple and order a memorial service. Memorial services and litias can be celebrated