It is impossible to survive when everyone has left you. When you were betrayed, everyone... everyone... all the colleagues whose salary you raised, the man you were next to when he felt bad... when he was sick.. when he felt bad... everything..
trouble happened and no one is there, and there is no one nearby.... no one at all...
This is love... this is life... this is how to survive it?!
Why worry about this?! Isn't it easier to die?!
How to live if you are alone, if there is no one to lay your head on?!
I was dying after giving birth from blood poisoning... why did they save me... how to survive this?!
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OleLukle, age: 29 / 09/18/2009
Responses:
OleLukle, unfortunately, nowadays people want to consume love more than to give it themselves. But that doesn't mean everyone is like that. If you look closely, you will find many good and loyal people. Maybe you didn’t come across any of these on your way? Well, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be any in the future.
The consequences of suicide are irreversible. And a person can survive a lot. Live and someday you will thank yourself for finding the strength! Good luck!
Andrey, age: 27 / 09/18/2009
Olyusha, my sunshine, don’t die, endure it. I don’t know the details of your grief, but from the letter I see that it’s very difficult for you. Be patient, little sister, there will be another day, and help will come from unexpected places. Suddenly, inexplicably, not even from those from whom I expected it. Be patient, my friend, cry, howl, groan, complain to the Mother of God, tell Her everything, as you told your mother or grandmother in childhood. Wait a little bit. Now you have no strength from the infection that has taken over you, from the insane amount of antibiotics, from concomitant medications, from IVs, injections, from inhuman weakness, from mental pain. If the physical pain is severe, ask for painkillers, ask for sedatives. Get your physical condition in order, every day will be a little easier than the previous one. Get out, hang on, I believe you can handle it. Let it be through pain, sadness, despair, but you will slowly get out of this state. Olenka, you are not alone. You are God’s little child, you are the child of your parents (even if they are no longer there - they gave birth to you - that means they wanted your life), you have those who have hesitated for now with help (forgive them for their stupidity - this is not out of evil, but out of They are so stupid), Olyushka - you have us. I am sure that besides me, other people will write to you. Live, dear, I beg you very much. At least for the sake of someone else’s aunt, who is now writing to you and crying. This is how I want you to live.
Elena, age: 52 / 09/18/2009
Olechka, you are my dear.
Yes, it’s hard, yes, it hurts - but we are all so weak, we are all so not rich in love, in compassion. For example, today I was walking down the street - I saw drunkards, I prayed for them, but did not approach them, but maybe they needed a kind word. But deep down I love them and feel sorry for them, but standards of behavior, pride - everything bothers me. So it is with you Olechka - maybe someone sincerely loves you, but is not ready to show it in action.
And whose deliberate hypocrisy you were convinced of is Glory to God. Now you know who you should not be friends with or build a family with.
Don’t be offended by anyone, Olechka forgive them all.
And Olechka, forgive me - but I’ll say what I think - if they don’t like me, it means I just haven’t done anything for it yet. Why do you love me? (this is all about myself). Maybe it's the same with you.
But it’s hard, you have to be patient. After all, you’re probably not ready for Olechka’s death? Who is ready to give an answer to God? There are very few such people.
Don’t rush to die, be glad that you gained the experience of suffering, which will change something for the better in your soul.
Everything will be fine, Olechka, stay strong.
Sveta, age: 27 / 09/18/2009
Olya, who saved you? Not people? Live for their work. Are the efforts of doctors and nurses in vain? Do you know how they worry when the unexpected happens to patients? Read:
Olyushka, there is no need to continue the chain of grief. Get out. If you can walk and think, thank those who injected you with antibiotics, who pulled you out of the dark abyss. My joy, I’ll tell you again: live. In spite of all the bad, for the victory of all the good.
I gently stroke your cheek. Good night. Guardian Angel.
Elena, age: 52 / 09/19/2009
Die? no easier
why worry?
yes, if only to one day meet these people and look them in the eyes
and ask this question - how could you? Why did you do this to me?
You are only 29, you are a year younger than me :)
you have life ahead of you
Don’t let a handful of scoundrels drive you into the world ahead of time! you deserve to live - if you survived that infection!
so live = - and find out why you are here
Hold on!
God help you
Red, age: 30 / 09/19/2009
Olenka! What about your child? Probably a girl? my husband cheated on me and left for another when he had a 4-year-old daughter in his arms and a son had just been born... he left her alone and didn’t take care of her!
I was lying in the bathroom and just wanted to leave. And how the devil is obedient to such thoughts of ours! On the corner of the bathroom lay a razor: dangerous, open. Where did it come from??? as if it had been specially prepared.
Maybe my husband left his things while going through things...
and in my head there is a sweet thought - come on! It won’t hurt at all - rinsing, but how much easier it will become! Come on, come on...
There is a God... just one phrase exploded in my head - Katya, imagine the eyes of your children at the coffin... and they are burying you
AND IT'S ALL PASSED
let your child pull you out of pain and into love. Children know how to love and will generously reward you :))
Katya, age: 29 / 09/19/2009
Olya, about 3 years ago I also felt hurt and bad, because the person I respected and valued very often betrayed me. But I forgave, and everything started again. There were friends who also betrayed me. There were different thoughts, both good and bad. I found the strength to change everything. Now the opposite is happening. This man is ready to sleep under my windows just to see me; his friends invite and ask to visit. And I am very happy, because 2.5 years ago I met a man who appreciates and respects me. For me he is both a friend and girlfriend, and mother and father. Perhaps this is women's happiness. And everything that happened before this moment is just the past. Olya, be patient a little, and believe me, you will think the same way as me.
Sveta, age: 33 / 09/22/2009
Don’t die, you need to live, you really need to! God will not forgive them, remember, the Almighty gives trials only to those who can endure them. If he gave them to you, then you can bear it.
Karim, age: 29/11/18/2009
Instructions for everyone who has been betrayed:
(after betrayal, be merciless towards yourself and everyone around you)
1. Forced daily routine!
2.Sport, food and sleep!
3.Keep an eye on your appearance and home!
4. Mow the money!
5. Do not allow anyone to feel sorry for you under any pretext!!! (usually at the end there will be either vodka, or drugs, or gossip and intrigues....)
6. Do not dare to humiliate, envy and despise others because of your pain inside! it's none of their business!!
7. Don't be afraid of loneliness!!! (I assure you, it is temporary!!!)
8. Do not take revenge on anyone!
To live one year in defiance of everything, everyone and yourself - you will be surprised who you yourself will become later!))))
I respect and love everyone, good luck.
Archimedes, age: 40 / 04/21/2013
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The most important
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How to love yourself
Know how to love yourself
If we want to fill our lives with love, love and be loved, we must also truly love ourselves. We deserve true self-love! We are not the last person in our lives to get away with some kind of surrogate of chocolate, massage, expensive toys and other trifles. Self-love is the kind of love in which no one can replace us...
Hello, my dear readers. Sometimes things happen in life that make it very difficult to recover from. It’s especially hard if you didn’t expect it at all. In this state, it is very easy to become depressed, lose interest in life, become apathetic and unsure of yourself. Therefore, today I would like to talk about what to do if you have been betrayed by your loved one.
Defensive position
A person is not always able to predict a bad event. Usually you hope for a positive outcome. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I doubt that when a young man meets a girl, falls in love, and begins an affair, he thinks every day before going to bed: when will she stick a knife in my back?
People want to be happy and that's why they don't expect bad things. Except for those who have already stumbled upon betrayal several times. I have one friend who, in principle, does not trust people. His parents abandoned him as a child, then best friend stole his wife, and the second wife ran away with all their savings. Today he is taking a defensive stance. Like, you don’t trust anyone, you don’t expect anything good from anyone, which means they can’t hurt you.
There is an opposite example in my practice. One woman stumbles upon wicked men time after time. One beat her, another stole money, the third managed to deprive her of almost her apartment, and so on. Each new lover of hers is worse than the previous one. But she continues to believe and hope for a miracle.
Honestly, I’ll tell you that both of these options are not the most acceptable cases for a happy future. One has closed himself off and can easily miss his fate, while the other continues to ignore some basic clues that the person is not the most honest.
A happy person is somewhere in between these two examples. He trusts people, but at first he doesn't let them get too close. And he monitors his actions very well. After all, it is actions that speak about a person, not his words.
Revenge is served cold
I have never been a supporter of vindictive people. To be honest, I never took revenge myself and did not advise anyone to do so. Of course, it is very difficult to be in a situation of betrayal, your soul hurts, there is an endless stream of tears, you wake up at night because you begin to choke.
But for me this has never been a reason to take revenge on a person. Especially if I loved him or still love him. Of course, you can say a lot of unnecessary things based on emotion, everything inside is torn apart and sometimes you just want to give a person a good whack.
I believe that there are more interesting ways to show a person that everything is fine with you and thereby prick him harder.
One of my friends became a victim of betrayal by the man she loved. He left her for a younger woman, although they were about to get married. She was in a very dangerous condition for a month that her sister came from another city to live with her. And one fine day I woke up and realized that I wanted to continue living, that I wanted to find my happiness.
She got a job, changed her wardrobe, became a regular at beauty salons, and after six months she was no longer recognizable. This was a real woman who amazed men with her beauty. And then one day we were sitting in a restaurant, celebrating the birthday of a mutual friend, when suddenly, out of nowhere, our beauty’s ex appeared on the horizon. He came up to say hello with dazed eyes. I asked to meet, but she responded with a categorical refusal. So, he still calls her and begs to meet.
This, in my opinion, is the best example of proving something to your offender. Girls, let the man you love see you happy, beautiful, in love with life and greatly regret that he left you then. The same story can easily play into the hands of young people. Revenge concentrates you on the object of betrayal, freezes you in this state and does not let you go.
Forgiveness
Forgiving a person who betrayed you is very difficult. Sometimes I would even say that it is impossible. But over time, peace comes and at this moment it is very important to let go of the situation and move on. I'm not talking about the forgiveness that you give to a person and take him back. No. I'm talking about your inner forgiveness.
First, forgive yourself. Because such a catastrophe happened in your life, that you fell for the tricks of a traitor, that you did not notice, perhaps, obvious facts. Forgive yourself and let yourself move on.
Second, forgive the person who offended you. For ourselves, inside. Forgive him and let him go. Let him live with this feeling himself. Don't take on all this negativity. This is probably the most difficult thing. And such a moment does not come very soon. Time must pass, you will calm down, emotions will subside and then you can forgive.
Think about yourself first. Punishing the traitor is the work of fate, life and chance, not yours. Your task is to make your life happy, fulfilling, harmonious and the way you want. It doesn’t matter whether you are a girl or an adult man, a woman with children or a youth, rest assured that you still have your whole life ahead of you and so many interesting things will come your way.
If you feel that you cannot cope and cannot find answers to important questions, together we will analyze the situation and find a solution.
What to do
But when such a story happens, you always wonder: how to survive this? To be honest, everything depends only on you. If you want to solve the situation, you will definitely find a way to do it. I sometimes think that people like to suffer too much. Especially in our country.
Remember that you can always turn to a specialist for help. If you understand that you are starting to get stuck in this story and cannot cope on your own, then a good psychologist will definitely help you. It will help you survive the initial stage when the world is falling apart, reach a new level, and, moreover, become a happy person.
Plus, you can throw yourself into your work. Taking a break is a good option. When your head is busy with other things, you simply have no time to think about what happened. But remember that after work you will come home, where there will be walls and you. And that’s where all these thoughts can catch up with you.
It is very important for a person to speak out. If you have good ones, they can always listen to you and give advice that may help you. The less time you spend alone in the beginning, the less likely you will be to get lost in your own thoughts about the topic.
If you are now in a difficult situation, you have been betrayed and you don’t know what to do, contact me for help. Together we will cope with any situation, overcome all troubles and reach a new level. You will become a happy, contented and joyful person.
I am sure that everything in your life will be wonderful. Patience and strength to you!
Have you been betrayed? A person who was dear to you, who was your friend, whom you loved, left you, and you no longer feel the desire for love in yourself? Very good. Just great. (You will understand why this is good and wonderful when you read to the end of the article). Someday this would definitely happen. Every person, there is no exception here, because this is not a rule, but a natural component of a person’s full life and his constructive harmonious development.
Many people think that it is only they who are so unlucky. They are wrong to think so. It is generally inappropriate to talk about luck or bad luck here. And it is best to treat this as a “viral disease of the soul.” There are people who rarely get sick, but there are no people who never get sick at all. The main thing is to understand that betrayal in love is normal.
Now about disorders and experiences and how to overcome them, how to cope with them.
First of all, ask yourself a question. How could it be otherwise? You were betrayed, that is, your trust was not justified, and, of course, you went into a negative emotional state. You are a man! You are not a robot. Animals also feel sad when they are abandoned by those to whom they are accustomed, to whom they have become attached and who are dear to them. What can we say about a person? In a person, betrayal should naturally cause very strong grief.
Human emotions are not a set of abstract concepts that can be present in a person at his request. Artificial joy or artificial grief are not emotions. Emotion is a concrete concept and necessarily has a connection with certain life circumstances, in which a person finds himself. Joyful circumstances evoke positive emotions; Sad circumstances cause negative emotions. And if you are a mentally healthy person, then such a circumstance as betrayal will inevitably cause you melancholy and grief. You will begin to worry and worry very much. You will be overwhelmed by resentment. Your soul will feel unbearable pain. You will feel very sorry for yourself. YOU will start to feel sorry for yourself. You will fall into melancholy and melancholy. Apathy will consume you.
It is possible to list all the negative things that happen to a person when he is betrayed endlessly. I think what has been said is enough to understand that a person finds himself in a state where other people and love cause him, to put it mildly, doubt. A person becomes disappointed in people, disappointed in love, and can easily say that there is no love.
What is correct here is that there really is no love in his life anymore. His love is gone; she left him with the person she came with. Love is always two. Alone is when without love. And it is not surprising that, suddenly finding himself alone, a person gets scared and with his fear begins to spin into his mind who knows what kind of fantasies, such as those that there is no love and you can’t trust anyone. The reason for such misconceptions is precisely fear, which was a consequence of suddenly arising loneliness. A person will cope with fear and the delusions caused by it will pass.
Now let's think about this. Is it really possible that immediately after your loved one leaves you (it doesn’t matter whether he left you or this person died), you immediately, without any special emotions or worries, continue to live peacefully and, in search of new love, calmly switch to a new object?
- Are you going? - you exclaim joyfully and enthusiastically, looking with a loving gaze at the one you love, without whom you cannot imagine your existence, but who is quite tired of you and who has decided to leave you. - What happiness! I wish you all the best, the best and…. I'm very happy for you. I hope whoever you find instead of me will make you happy. I, with your permission, will quickly run to look for another love. You understand that you cannot live without love. Psychologists, philosophers, and even Wizards strongly advise a person to live in love. - And happy you run away in search of new love.
Is that possible? This is of course impossible. What happened so strongly affects a person’s peace of mind that it seems to him that along with his love, he was also abandoned.
. And, sometimes, a person no longer wants any other love, and does not feel the desire to live further. And the most important thing is that a person who has been betrayed in love stops believing in love.
It is natural that you are worried and it is natural that your life ceases to be happy, ceases to be joyful, and of course you are not yet in the mood for new love, and some time must pass in order for... and now ATTENTION!... in order NOT to gain new powers of love in yourself, but in order to want love again
. And then the question is posed differently, namely: “What to do with yourself at this time?” Do you understand what we're talking about? This is not about how to quickly eliminate bad moods and negative emotions, but what to do with yourself until the negative emotions about this disappear and what needs to be done to prevent these negative emotions from becoming chronic?
As for negative emotions and experiences caused by betrayal, they, as a rule, if you live correctly, go away within a year. What does right mean? That's right - this means that during this year you need to continue your full life (if, of course, you had one, this very full life): work, study, mind your business, relax, and so on, in accordance with your meaning of life and making your life as interesting as possible.
And then it all comes down to
. If your life has been meaningful to you, then it will not be difficult for you to captivate yourself in work, in study, in your business, in leisure, and so on. It's another matter if you are a senseless person. Then, of course, it will be difficult for you to survive this year. It is generally difficult for senseless people to live, and it is even more difficult for them when they are betrayed. Do what you consider necessary for your development, but what you did NOT do when you lived with someone who betrayed you. Travel, explore foreign languages, paint pictures, learn to sing and dance, sign up for computer courses and learn how to create blogs, websites and publish newsletters, make an innovation proposal at work. And generally speaking, don't reduce everything to love
, this is the wrong way. Love is a great idea, but man, as an idea, is higher and more significant than the idea called love
.
And one more thing... Think about the fact that even if you had not been betrayed, and you had lived together for many years, death could have separated you. Your loved one or loved one could die before you. And then we wouldn’t be talking about betrayal, and the emotions and experiences would be the same. Unless, of course, we are talking about love. If you are now more overcome by jealousy that your love chose someone else, then this was not love in your life, but only passion.
But, as for the loss of love, I would better pose the question as follows. How to live after your loved one leaves you?
This is for real correct question. And the answer to it will be exactly the same as I gave above.
It is necessary to understand that a person is unable to overcome his negative emotions, experiences and worries with the help of logical reasoning. Logic has no power over emotions. Severe psychological trauma, and loss of love refers specifically to these types of mental trauma, need to live (live, experience)
. Live (experience), in the sense of going through your life with these experiences. But a lot depends on how exactly these traumas are lived.
The inability to properly experience grievances, losses, bereavements, especially with regard to the loss of loved ones and dear people when it comes to death, leads to the fact that a person is immersed in his negative emotions and remains in them forever, that is, he becomes a chronically mentally ill person.
It is very important, when you are faced with the death of someone dear to you, whether it is the death of your child, parents, husband or wife, friends, and so on, to think about what to do with yourself at this time? Do you understand what we're talking about? I repeat once again that this is not about how to quickly eliminate a bad mood and negative emotions, but about what to do with yourself until these emotions disappear and what needs to be done to prevent these negative emotions from becoming chronic.
I have already said above, and I will repeat again, negative emotions and experiences from parting with loved ones, as a rule, if you do not immerse yourself in them and do not focus on them, pass within a year. During this year, it is necessary to lead a socially active lifestyle: work, study, mind your own business, relax, and so on, in accordance with
and making your life as full and varied as possible. In addition, it is necessary to eliminate everything that reminds you of the loss: personal belongings, photographs, in general, everything that can somehow remind you of the loss. If necessary and possible, then change your place of residence. Changing your place of residence if you lived with someone who died is The best way get rid of negative memories. And there is no betrayal here.
A lot of people mistakenly believe that they must cherish forever the memory of someone they loved and who died. This is perhaps the most important misconception. Such people do the exact opposite of what needs to be done to remain a mentally healthy person. Such people keep all the personal belongings of the deceased, look at his photographs every day, regularly visit the place of his burial and mentally talk with this person constantly. Why do these people do this? There can be any number of answers. The feeling of guilt alone is worth it when people feel guilty of something in front of those who died, and cannot forgive themselves for the fact that during their lifetime they could not correct their mistakes. I do not condemn these people, but I draw their attention and the attention of other people to the fact that with their behavior they are only making everything worse. Their sacrifices, and there is no other way to describe such behavior, are in vain and do not lead to any positive result, except for frustration alone.
Betrayal is unjustified trust, violation of fidelity and failure to fulfill a duty. Only a living person can betray a living person. The dead cannot be betrayed. And even if you behaved dishonestly towards a person who was close to you, whom you valued, and so on, then do not try to be better to him after he died. All! The person has died and nothing can be fixed in your relationship with him. And even if you allowed betrayal towards him, now it no longer matters. Moreover, there is no point in maintaining so-called fidelity to the deceased if you do not feel any guilt. Although... I understand, of course, that a person is designed in such a way that he always feels guilty when it comes to a person who died and with whom he was well acquainted.
What else can you wish for goodbye? Don't smoke, don't drink alcohol, don't overeat. Drink coffee as little as possible. Very often these remedies are used to overcome negative emotions. Take care of yourself and yours physical health for the person you will definitely meet. At night, you can read my article “The Long Path to Love.”
Human development is inevitably connected with the shocks he experiences. No problems, no shocks - no development. And the stronger the shock, the more significant the problem that arises in a person’s life, the greater the person’s opportunity to rise in his development. Problems sober up a person's consciousness. Problems remove from a person’s path the illusions he has piled up for himself. And the more significant the problem, the more a person sobers up, the more his consciousness becomes clearer.
Have you been offended? Have you been treated unfairly? Have you been robbed? Have you been deceived? Have you been betrayed? Amazing! Use this as an opportunity to rise in your development much higher than you are. Nothing has such a beneficial effect on a person’s consciousness as betrayal; nothing clears a person’s consciousness more than betrayal; especially, if this is a betrayal in love. Unless only the death of a loved one can compete with betrayal in love in terms of the degree of purification and clarification of human consciousness.
I wish your loved ones health and longevity, but... if this happens and they leave you, leaving you alone with your grief, use this for your development - this is the only correct way out of this situation. The suffering of the soul is a fire that burns everything unnecessary that is in a person; but even in the suffering of the soul it is necessary to observe moderation, otherwise a person risks becoming a chronic sufferer.
After reading your letter, I saw what was going on in your soul - in your own words. May grace come upon you! But do what you can yourself - pray, pray for good!
Prayer is the movement we make to get out of the swamp. This is our attempt to see our soul in the Divine light, where there is no place for the darkness that so often surrounds us. In prayer, the soul “shakes off” this darkness and says to it: “No!” When we pray, we feel like children of God, children of the Great Father, Enlightening everyone, children of the All-Bountiful Savior, in whose hands are the keys to joy and happiness. This is why we should not put up with sadness and depression.
What is the cause of depression? If we are not talking about a medical diagnosis (when, first of all, medication is necessary), then our sadness develops from mental dissatisfaction as a result of some kind of offense - for example, betrayal.
We begin to wish for something that for some reason did not happen. And it seems to us that if we received this, our condition would improve. “I’m depressed,” says the young girl, “because my boyfriend left me. He left, he betrayed, he offended me...” We think that we have lost something, and that if it were returned to us, there would be no depression.
But you can say it differently! “Why don’t I get it back? Not what left me, but the feelings it evoked in me!” So, the young man left the girl. He hurt her deeply, he betrayed her, and now she begins to feel depressed.
How did you feel when you were together? – I’ll ask you. – You felt full, your soul was filled with happiness, your heart rejoiced, you wanted to live, to fight... Life had meaning, you looked around and rejoiced at everything around you. Your loved one evoked wonderful feelings and sensations in you. And now he has left you, and with him your wonderful inner state has left you.
And I want to offer you something - just as an idea. Would you like to try to get that feeling back? The feeling of completeness, grace, bliss, happiness and joy - what did you have before? Even if the person who caused these feelings is not with you now? Perhaps he was just a reason for the joy that always lives in you to spill out! And now this person, this “reason for joy,” is gone. But you can certainly find a new reason to feel this joy again!
Because happiness lives within us. And it was not this person who made you happy, who is a mere mortal. An ordinary person - a material body, a collection of cells and molecules - cannot make another person happy. What makes us happy? What lives inside us. And people and events are only a reason for this internal state to come out.
Try to feel this through prayer. It will help you feel happiness as it is - without the influence of external “irritants”. It gives a feeling of completeness, joy, happiness, love and meaning in life. Prayer helps us return to life. It nourishes the soul like water, the source of which is in the other world. Look at the saints and ascetics! They are beaming with happiness. Even if it is not possible to see them in person, their lives and patristic books testify to this... People came to them and saw that their faces were always joyful...
One young man who recently returned from New York told me:
– Father, how happy I am that I visited New York! I was in Manhattan - it's incredible! What a scale! How impressive all this is!
He was happy because he saw so much in New York. And someone visited Disneyland, someone visited Florida, or somewhere else - and all these trips became a reason for joy. People were filled with positive emotions - thanks to other people, beautiful buildings, shopping, delicious food, everything that, in principle, should not be condemned.
I just want to say that the joy that an ordinary person experiences when visiting Manhattan with its shops and fun nightlife, the ascetic feels without all this. And its feeling is even more intense because it lasts much longer. After all, after a wonderful trip, we board the plane and say to ourselves: “That’s it. Time to go home". And we experience despondency because pleasant emotions leave us. And the ascetic knows how to find in his soul such a chink from which joy and happiness emerge again and again.
And for this he doesn’t have to see a skyscraper or climb the Eiffel Tower. He doesn’t need to go somewhere or travel. He is happy thanks to someone else. And we must find this other thing in ourselves - after all, it lives in us. The source of joy is in our heart, because Christ is there, and He is the Source of joy.
And we ourselves kill Christ in our soul, not allowing Him to show us all the beautiful things that He can give. And if we do not learn to revive Christ in our hearts, we will constantly suffer and never find the answer. And we will live in constant anticipation of new travels or relationships, in the hope of becoming happier, at least for a little while.
And as long as this new thing continues, we are good. But when it ends, we start going crazy. And even when it is not over yet, we cannot feel truly good, because we are afraid of losing it, that is, a feeling of anxiety is mixed with our joy. For example, you are happy that your loved one is nearby, but at the same time you are afraid of losing him, and therefore you think:
– Yes, today we feel very good, but how long will this last? What if tomorrow he leaves me, if he betrays me? What if he gets sick and dies? What if he leaves?
This uncertainty prevents us from truly rejoicing. And when we see how happy other people are, we begin to envy them. And we think:
- I don’t have a loved one, but he does! Why?
And we begin to compare, envy, get angry, because we are afraid of losing our happiness. “Will I have it?” We reason this way because the feeling of joy that we experience at the moment is fueled from the outside. Our happiness exists only thanks to this nourishment.
That's why I say: try to find the secret of happiness in yourself. When your beloved was nearby, you said: “He looks into my eyes, and I come to life.”
So you knew the feeling of resurrection. Great! Is it possible to feel it without a loved one? When he doesn't look into your eyes? Look in the mirror and say:
- Lord, thank you! Because I am a human being. Because my soul and life are beautiful. Because I am unique and unrepeatable on this planet!
After all, there is no other person on earth like you! You are unique. Everyone is unique, we are all unique. And remembering at least this one thing, you will certainly think:
“I don’t need anyone to constantly talk about how beautiful I am and how much I mean to him.” After all, first I feel my importance, my value, and then, if this person disappears from my life, I go crazy.
No, when you have loved ones, it's wonderful! I don't mean at all that they don't exist. And I don’t downplay the importance of the pain after the breakup that drove you to depression. But you should not depend on another person to such an extent that, having lost him, you lose your mind. Be close to your loved one, rejoice, enjoy, but remember that if you have to lose him, you always have a secret, thanks to which you will regain the joy that you experienced while being next to your loved one.
That is, at any moment you can say:
- I'm glad we're together. I am happy with you, you give me a lot, but know that I will not be lost without you. And I can cope without you. There is a button inside me, by pressing it, I revive my hope, feeling self-esteem, love of God. And I feel good. Do not you love me anymore? Are you leaving? You betrayed me? Well, God loves me, and I feel good, and I pray, and hope, and think about a wonderful future. Not everything is lost. I can handle.
It's hard for you to say this now because you're in so much pain. After all, when our heart is torn away from another person, it bleeds. A similar feeling occurs when a person is kicked out of work, because in this case it is not only about material damage - we lose our sense of self-worth. I get fired and I say to myself:
- That's it, I'm not worth anything anymore. I'm useless.
What do you mean, you're not worth anything? Does your worth depend on your workplace? No, you always provide value. But because you are wholeheartedly attached to your work and completely identified with it, you say:
– Work is everything to me! I am my work.
But you are not your job. And God gave you the opportunity to understand this. It’s as if he told you: “ Let me take your work away from you for a little while. So that you can finally see your other talents. You thought that you draw strength exclusively from there, but I want to show you: you underestimate yourself. And now your importance is even greater, My child!»
That’s why I’m talking about holy ascetics who have practically nothing. And if you take away what they have, they will say:
- Take it! I am not attached to this thing to such an extent that it is a source of great joy for me. Here, in my cell there is a beautiful pen with which I write. Take her!
Maybe you read about how one ascetic chased after thieves - not in order to catch them, but in order to give them what they did not have time to steal. He ran and shouted after them:
- My children, you forgot something! Take it!
And the thieves got scared and said to each other:
– This is the first time we’ve seen this! Someone else in his place would immediately call the police, but this one is running after us to give us more things! Why?
Because the ascetic knew how to be happy without these things.
I understand that this is very difficult. Therefore, I do not encourage you to cope with your depression and despondency in one or two days. It takes time - months, maybe even years.
It is necessary to learn the lessons that the Lord teaches us - through the blows dealt by life, through separations, partings. It's like peeling off a Band-Aid - first we stick it on a wound, and when it comes time to peel it off, it can be very difficult to do. After all, the patch is firmly stuck to the skin, and your actions cause severe pain. But this must be done.
Translation by Elizaveta Terentyeva
Treason is the violation of an oath of allegiance or duty, most often to the Motherland. Often, adultery, leaving a friend in need, and apostasy from the faith are also called betrayal. In Christianity, betrayal is considered one of the most serious sins.
When a loved one betrays you, the pain can be so intense that it seems like you are already in hell. But that's not true. I'll tell you what picture I saw. In your case, the picture may be different, because everyone has their own inner world.
Night. There is not a star in the sky. Winter. Penetrating cold. Steppe. Scanty dry stems of last year's grass stick out through the snow. And a wolf howl. And loneliness. And the realization that there is no one for many miles around...
And in your soul is the image of a loved one who pulled you out of your cozy world and threw you here like an unnecessary thing. And he turned his back to you. You want to shout to him: “For what?!”, but there’s a lump stuck in your throat. You know that he won't hear you...
And I don’t want ANYTHING! The only salvation seems to be that if you curl up into a ball, clasp your hands tightly around your knees pulled up to your chin and close your eyes tightly, you will be able to forget yourself and the pain will recede. But she doesn't back down. It turns you inside out. It seems that someone’s ruthless hand has reached into your soul and is trying to tear it out by the roots...
Also, if you have girlfriends or other close people, you hear their voices. But as if not nearby, but from outside, from another world, from where you were expelled. And you vaguely understand how they say to you: “Spit!”, “Forget!”, “Be strong!”, but these words mean nothing to you. They make no sense here, in this dank steppe.
What to do when it seems like there is no way out?
Take my word for it, there is a way out, and more than one.
First, you can go to a psychologist. I've never used it myself, but they say it helps.
Secondly. Remember firmly: if you remain lying under the blanket, swallowing snot and listening to the lamentations of your relatives, your condition may stretch for an indefinite time and turn into chronic form. And the worst thing is that you may lose faith in people. Burn it into your brain with a hot iron: if one person turns out to be a nit, this is not a reason to blame all of humanity!
Now, get up and go!
The first thing you need to do is surrender to the power of your pain. Howl, scream, bite the pillow, roar, sob. In general, undergo an intensive course of shock therapy in full. The more actively you do this, the faster the pain will go away. MANDATORY: make a schedule for yourself: for example, from 8 to 9 and from 20 to 21 o’clock - suffering. And please, stick to the schedule!
If you want to chew your snot during the breaks between the hours specially designated for this, suffer for your health, it won’t get any worse. But if you want to cheat and at the appointed time do something else instead of suffering, remember: the smaller portion of suffering you experience today, the more will be left “for later,” i.e. it will stretch out over time.
Attention! If you feel that you will not be able to withstand such an intensive course, set yourself a time of less than an hour. As much as you can stand without falling into hysterics. But in any case, it is imperative to suffer according to a schedule!
You will soon notice that if at first you didn’t have enough time to suffer, then every day you calm down faster and faster. For example, you began to suffer at eight o’clock, and at 8:30 you already began to think that it was time to renovate the kitchen. Don't cheat! We decided from eight to nine, which means from eight to nine! Write your story down on paper in as much detail as possible. Pick up your notes and re-read them! Refresh your memory of how vilely they treated you, and continue to suffer for another half hour.
And don’t try to run away from your pain, it will catch up with you. Don't hibernate, it will give you nightmares. Don't try to push it inside, it will gnaw at you from the inside. Give her free rein (but on a short leash), she will quickly get tired of tormenting you on a schedule. She will quickly understand who is the boss here and run away.
And now - the most important thing! End each suffering with the words: “Thank you, Lord!” You must say this phrase 12 times. Whether you believe in God or not does not matter. This is your own business. The main thing is that it works! The only condition here is that you must thank sincerely.
And for this you must understand that in nature everything is harmonious. There is nothing superfluous and nothing lacking. Moreover, all processes occurring in nature are aimed at evolution, that is, from simple to complex, from weak to strong, from ugly to beautiful. This means that what happened to you in the end should lead you to the better. You don't know yet how it will happen, but it will happen! This is the law of nature! For this, give thanks.
How long should you continue to do this exercise? You will feel it yourself. Just at one moment you will realize that the pain is gone. This can be from several hours to a month or even more. Everything depends on you. I can say from myself that if I relieved the pain from the first (and last) betrayal for more than two months, now I get out of ANY stress in a couple of hours at most.
When the pain goes away, burn the piece of paper with your notes and flush it down the toilet!
And at the end of the exit from this whole vile story - forgive your offender! I understand that this is very difficult to do. Perhaps much more difficult than relieving pain. But you must do this so that nothing like this ever happens to you again.
Take action! I'm sure you will succeed.
And God grant you that this will be the last betrayal in your life!
Elena Bogushevskaya
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