India seems to us an amazing, almost fabulous country with vibrant exotic nature, ancient culture and unusual traditions. But those who are going on a tourist trip to this country should find out how people live in India. Because if you look away from the glossy brochures of travel companies, then everything turns out to be not so rosy and beautiful.
It would probably be correct to say that people here live the same way as in any other country in the world - in different ways. However, the contrasts between wealth and poverty, prosperity and miserable existence, civilization and barbarity are so great that they will shock any European visiting India. It is enough to cite some statistics.
Before traveling to this amazing country, it is worth finding out how people live in India.
- India is a country with a rapidly developing economy. It ranks 2nd in the world in terms of the number of dollar billionaires. But 65% of its population lives in extreme poverty.
- While some people have huge incomes, the other part of the population has no income at all. 30% of Indians are unemployed or rely on odd jobs.
- One of the richest cities in India is Mumbai, where every fourth resident owns a luxurious mansion. And 42% of Indians live in slums and do not even have the opportunity to use normal drinking water.
- In terms of financial investments in the development of advanced technologies, India ranks 8th in the world. But 30% of the population cannot even write.
These are not all contrasts, and, speaking of India, it is difficult to escape the thought that there are two completely different countries. But many tourists returning from there notice first of all the appalling poverty.
Indeed, in our opinion, many people here live in appalling conditions. The caste system, although officially prohibited by the constitution, actually continues to exist. And mostly the population adheres to caste traditions.
The lowest castes, those belonging to the varna of untouchables, live below the poverty line even by the standards of India itself. And if in cities the differentiation is not so noticeable, then in villages untouchables can still do only the dirtiest work.
But they take their position and fate for granted - in history there have never been uprisings and riots of the untouchables. It’s not for nothing that India is called the country of happy poor people.
For thousands of years, the dominant philosophy of Hinduism in society has taught people to calmly endure hardships and accept the world as it is.
Natalia Durbanova. living in Mumbai (India) - about what Indian logic is, how reincarnation affects arriving on time and why Russian wives in India are a separate “caste”
– Natalya, do you think we need to prepare for the move? And did you prepare?
– You need to prepare - try to acquire the maximum number of skills that will be useful to you in the future. Universal skills - profession, knowledge of language (English is a must, another one is better), even a driver's license. In short, everything you can study and master at home, so that after moving you don’t waste time, effort and money on it.
In general, I never set myself the goal of moving abroad. Firstly, I didn’t emigrate, but I’ve been working abroad, just for the sixth year and the third country in a row. Secondly, initially the idea was to work and gain life and professional experience in another country. In 2003, I graduated from the Faculty of Economics of KSU with a degree in " world economy"(MEO). The head of the department suggested trying to enroll in a master's program in St. Petersburg.
The decision had to be made in half a day. I tried and got accepted. After a master's degree and three years of work in St. Petersburg at PricewaterhouseCoopers (one of the four largest auditing companies in the world), I unexpectedly received a job offer in Malaysia, in the regional office of a large Australian company. I had 2 days to think about it, and I decided.
After three years of working in Malaysia, I went to Mumbai as a tourist and realized that my next country would be India. In terms of professional experience, Peter and Kuala Lumpur gave me enough; it was time for personal growth. In all my moves, I made a decision quickly, perhaps because each time I thought that it would only be for a year, two or three, and I would return. In the end, I move on every time :)
– In your case, does moving abroad mean going there? Or should I leave here?
– It would be more correct to say - go there. No, I never left “from here”; I always felt good where I lived. I had a good time in Krasnoyarsk, I love St. Petersburg in my own way, I really liked and like Kuala Lumpur. Just while there is an opportunity, why not use it.
In July I was on vacation in Krasnoyarsk, and I thought, “How lucky I am! I was born in the best city in the world! Honestly! - we have big roads, clean streets, no crowds of people, nature, snow, a lot of culture - there is an Organ Hall, an Opera House, a drama theater, so much more...” But in order to appreciate it, you had to travel halfway around the world :)
– Why this country?
– There are two main reasons.
Professional. I am an economist by education, worked as an auditor, accountant, and set up an outsourcing department in Malaysia. India is an IT country, and I decided that if I was looking for a job here, it only made sense in the high-tech sector. Now I work for an online payment processing company, something like Paypal, but only in a special niche - a high-risk business. This field requires a good technology platform that is quite sophisticated from a programming point of view, so the owner and technical team are Indians, but they hire foreigners to handle the clients.
The difference in Indian and European mentality has a strong impact. I talk to Europeans in a language they understand; my boss does not complicate his life with the peculiarities of written etiquette. So, foreigners like me have to deal with communicating with European banks and drafting business letters and proposals.
In addition, Indians have a very flexible attitude towards time, accordingly, deadlines are a very flexible concept :), but an Indian has, conditionally, 55 reincarnations, while a European has only one. I understand that if a client from England writes that it must be done today, it must be done today! Not tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. However, today the whole world is working with India, and we must learn to understand the Indian mentality.
Personal reason. At different stages of life you set tasks of different complexity. India is a complex, multifaceted and multi-layered country, but very interesting. Even if you take a 6-month vacation between jobs and travel from north to south, you won’t understand India.
Many things in India seem at least incomprehensible to Europeans, and at most absurd. But in India there is a logic to everything, we just don’t know it! This is why I came for a long time, to at least partially understand.
- If we compare living standards here and in Russia?
– In Russia the average standard of living is much higher. India is a country of contrasts.
There are people so poor that we would never even dream of living 10 people in one room all their lives, and having a cup of rice on the table twice a day. But there are also such rich people that our Abramovichs could not even dream of. There is a house in Mumbai - the most expensive private real estate in the world, worth about 1 billion dollars, 27 floors, its own McDonald's and a helipad - a family of 5 (five!) people lives in the house. (The house, by the way, is not only the most expensive, but also one of the ugliest in the city :)
The middle class is far from being the majority; the poor are much more numerous.
What amazed me when I first arrived in India was that this gap between different segments of the population does not lead to a social explosion and revolutions, as in the 20th century in Russia, say. The reason for this is the caste system.
Among us, those “at the bottom” are dissatisfied with their position. An Indian who was born in a low caste and worked all his life as a servant does not even think that fate might have something else in store for him. Of course, even in a low caste there is a chance to get an education; there are state quotas in universities for low castes, but these are few.
In India, almost everyone has a domestic servant. Here, every middle-income family usually has housekeepers, either living with them or visiting them. A housekeeper can live and sleep in the kitchen all her life, and this is in the order of things. Plus, a laundress comes to them (few people have washing machines, everyone was very surprised why I need one, because for $15 (~600 rubles) a month you can give everything to a specially trained person, he will also iron the laundry), a toilet cleaner, a driver, car washer, milkman, florist (just like we subscribe to a newspaper - in India you can sign up to deliver flowers for religious services) and so on.
And this is not even a matter of prestige - it’s just the way it is. According to the law, all these people, of course, do not belong to anyone, but in fact they are very dependent on their owners. The servants receive, on average, from 1 to 5 thousand rubles from our money. The population of India is 1 billion 200 million people, and all these people need work, and that's the whole point. The upper and middle strata of the population believe that the more servants are hired, the more good the deed is done - otherwise all these people would live in the village, in much worse conditions.
Another interesting point is the attitude towards personal space.
If in Russia things are generally normal with this, in Australia personal space is a kilometer long - “mind your own business” (“don’t interfere in other people’s affairs”) is highly valued there, then in India there is no personal space at all.
Maria Arbatova wrote it correctly - Indians perceive the whole world as one big family. And when one of the members of this large family does something wrong, he is patiently taught and guided. My Hindi teacher came to me three times a week and during the teaching process she was interested in literally everything - every event in my life, checked all my photos on Facebook, read any comments (she diligently translated Russian-language ones!).
I was simply shocked by such “care”. Another amazing example - once I met a young man, we started dating, in general, work was neglected due to a romantic haze in my head. Two weeks later, my boss finally calls me in and, without any embarrassment, lays out all the ins and outs about my admirer - his name, where he lives, what car he drives, what family he’s from, that is, he literally opens his file in front of me. This was the first and only time in my life in India when I wanted to take a ticket for the next flight and leave. For the boss, it was an expression of sincere concern. It was such a touching, fatherly approach to solving what was essentially a labor problem, and it is very indicative of India.
India is a country with a very low divorce rate. And if there are children in the family, divorce is almost impossible. The tradition of arranged marriage is very strong here - marriages not of convenience, but rather by agreement. There are now about 70% of them, and in villages it’s 99%. Marriage becomes a kind of transaction for families based on caste. In case of divorce, you are excluded from your family and society, this is the worst thing that can happen in the life of an Indian. Therefore, the attitude towards marriage is very, very serious. And if castes are now practically not taken into account when hiring (and 10 years ago it was much easier for a Brahmin - a representative of the highest caste of priests - to get a job), then when choosing a partner, this is a fundamental factor. Marriages for love are viewed with suspicion here - it is not very reliable, love is like carrots. And this has its own logic, as with everything in India. People get married with the understanding that it is forever, and there is no other option and there will not be, so you need to build a relationship with the one you have.
– Do you feel like a stranger in a new country?
– I feel like a stranger and one at the same time.
My own - I wear Indian clothes even in the office (it’s much more convenient, by the way, I don’t have to suffer in heels 🙂), I speak Hindi at the everyday level. Hindi is more difficult than English, but easier than Japanese or Chinese. Some complex sounds (there are three “t” ones), the logic of sentence construction is a little different - we have prepositions, they have postpositions (“I’m from Russia, I live in Mumbai”), and so on. As one of my friends said - living in a foreign country and not speaking its language, it’s like you’re looking at the world through a cloudy glass - you can live, but the quality of life is different. All professional education above grade 10 in India is conducted in English, and educated Indians speak English well, but in everyday life, Hindi is, of course, necessary. In Hindi, I mostly haggle, swear, and touchingly talk about my mom, dad, and brother. At work only English.
Alien, in a good way - still, the attitude towards a European-looking person in India is different, more privileged, I would say. Indians have a very positive attitude towards Russians, dating back to Soviet times.
– What about work and housing?
– Housing in Mumbai is the most expensive in India. This is the largest city in the country, 20 million people live here. It stands on a group of islands that were artificially filled in and the city began to be built. Now this is a peninsula and there is nowhere for the city to grow; it goes out to sea.
In Delhi, for example, about 13 million people live, but its area is 7 times larger - there are wide avenues, huge streets, practically Moscow. In Mumbai, everyone lives very densely, skyscrapers and then slums, in general, real estate here is expensive. Prices are somewhere between St. Petersburg and Moscow, and by Indian standards the highest.
Finding a job as an expat is not very easy. What is clear is that there are 1 billion 200 million people here who need to be employed. And that's why there aren't many expats here (an expat is a highly skilled foreign worker, as opposed to a guest worker - a low-skilled foreign worker).
To obtain a work visa in India, you need to earn $25 thousand a year, which is $2100 a month, which by local standards is a lot, the level of a good manager. By the way, my real salary is half as much, about $1 thousand per month, and in order for the employer to issue me a work visa, I have to declare the amount twice as high (and, accordingly, pay taxes on it, more than taxes on the actual salary). companies). The ideal option in India is to work for a foreign company, then the salary will be at the average European level, which is more than 25 thousand dollars per year. I deliberately went to work for an Indian company because, as I already said, I wanted to see the country from the inside, including corporate India.
I don’t recommend coming here without a contract. Unless, of course, you want to become a semi-legal, that is, live here on a tourist visa and at the same time earn extra money. By the way, Mumbai is a city of Bollywood, and foreigners are needed in the film crowd.
But these are fleeting earnings, a completely different story. There is also a topic with Goa - you can work in tourism aimed at Russian tourists, as animators or guides in Turkey and Egypt. To be honest, Goa is not India; in terms of culture - it is more liberated, food - there are more meat-eaters, in real India there are more vegetarians, religion - there are much fewer Hindu temples than Christian churches. Therefore, they have a calm attitude towards tourists, and, in general, more relaxed moral and ethical principles. Tourists come to Goa, joyfully put on a bikini, get on a scooter and rush off to “explore the country.” In Mumbai, not only have I never worn a bikini, even on the beach, I’ll think three times before wearing a knee-length skirt. And if I decide, I’ll most likely take a taxi rather than public transport.
– Is there something that you are missing here?
There is not enough Russian/European culture - opera, theater, classical music, museums, this is very nourishing (that's why I went to St. Petersburg at one time). But in any country you can find islands of European culture. In Mumbai, for example, there are screenings of classical operas on the big screen.
And also Russian food. As a child I couldn’t stand buckwheat, now it’s a delicacy! And borscht and vinaigrette are generally the food of the gods! I cook for myself, I have buckwheat from 7 countries at home! - I always order it as a gift for guests from abroad. There are no Russian restaurants, because... Russian cuisine is too bland for Indians. In general, the Russian diaspora here is mainly Russian girls who married Indians, and they cook and feed their beloved ones at home.
Russian wives, by the way, are a very valuable caste in India (laughs). Firstly, fair skin, this is very much valued here, secondly, there is a much less sense of possessiveness (and among Indians it is overly developed - “where did you go, what are you doing, who were you with”, etc.), and thirdly - they are more independent and independent in everyday life.
– You’ve already said partly, though, but is it still expensive to live in India?
– My salary is very good by Indian standards, but small by expat standards. It's enough for living and household expenses. For example, on food, including local restaurants, and periodic raids on supermarkets with imported products, I spend about 10 thousand rubles a month. Traveling within the country can also be normal, but traveling abroad is already problematic; only a few budget airlines fly from India. But here they are good railways! Despite the horrifying photographs of people hanging in clusters from the running boards, in reality everything is much better. There are good air-conditioned trains at very reasonable prices, much cheaper than in Russia.
Communication, Internet, transport - everything is inexpensive here. It’s sad with medicine - it’s either inexpensive, but does not inspire unambiguous trust, or vice versa. I had a problem with vitamin D, and an appointment with injections from a private doctor was extremely cheap. There are large medical centers with European price levels, where blood tests are prohibitively expensive. For example, in Malaysia there was something average, but relatively high quality and stable.
– Are you going to return to Russia?
– I’ve been living in India for 2 years, planning for another year. It’s just that, besides work, I also do a lot of interesting things, for example, with the local expat community, we organize meetings that bring together up to 170 people of 30 nationalities. We help newly arrived expats overcome cross-cultural differences, the first shock after moving, we calm them down, we advise them. I went to local colleges several times and gave lectures about Russia.
I will return to Russia. I’ll travel some more, gain experience, and come back. I will have to deal with finances, although in reality, of course, I want to teach - and as a part-time job I would teach a fascinating and informative course about the same cross-cultural differences - I have knowledge, I am ready to share!
Text: Victoria Krundysheva
ABOUT THE LIFE OF INDIAN WOMEN we learn either from Bollywood classics like Zita and Gita or from news reports: while vivacious beauties in colorful saris sing on screen, in the real world women are exposed to sulfuric acid and during sterilization operations. Recently social media flew around, in which the position of women is compared to cows - not in favor of the former.
In Indian culture, a woman is still assigned only two roles: depending on her age, she is perceived either as an extension of the man (daughter or wife), or as the mother of the family - the keeper of the home. In both the first and second cases, the woman has no real voice, that is, her life completely depends on the will of the man. In the last few years, the country has started talking openly about domestic and sexual violence, about and even about. We asked Victoria Krundysheva, who moved to India five years ago, to talk about the origins of cruel practices and what is happening to Indian women today.
Self-immolation and the legend of Sati
Hindu mythology is metaphorical and open to interpretation - it has many strong and independent female images, but the patriarchal structure allows only one interpretation of mythological plots. The ideal wife and role model for Indian girls was Sati (Savitri), the heroine of the ancient epic “Mahabharata”. Savitri’s main quality is her endless love for her husband: according to legend, the princess followed her beloved into the afterlife after his death and, thanks to her cunning and ingenuity, defeated the local ruler, rescuing both her husband and herself. Over time, Savitri's story transformed: in later retellings of the myth, it is no longer the wisdom of the princess that comes to the fore, but the fact that her loyalty and worship of her husband forced her to follow him into the afterlife. The name “sati” was given to a cruel tradition that obliges a widow, after the death of her husband, to ascend the funeral pyre and burn alive along with her husband’s body - in order to meet the afterlife with him.
Refusal to voluntarily say goodbye to life was considered dishonorable. Women who did not want to burn with their deceased husband were not respected and shunned, and even more often punished - that is, they were burned anyway. The ritual of sati, which was widespread throughout the subcontinent, is a vivid illustration of the position of women in Indian society: the first evidence of this practice dates back to the 1st century BC, and it gained its greatest popularity in the 1800s. Although over time, sati rituals were performed less and less often - they were preserved only in remote villages and the poorest areas of India - the tradition was finally eradicated only after the Prevention of Sati Act in 1987, which was adopted after a high-profile case of self-immolation 18 -year-old widow.
Dauri and femicide
Femicide (female infanticide, or the killing of newborn girls) in India has been practiced for centuries and continues to exist today. True, the killing of babies is coming to naught, since the opportunity has arisen to do so. There are many reasons for the emergence of femicide: general poverty, the need for hard physical labor, which is mainly done by men, and the obligation of the bride’s parents to pay a rich dowry to the son-in-law’s family. And although, like sati, femicide was prohibited during British rule, for a long time it remained one of the main social problems in India.
In 1991, the government’s “Child Protection Program” was adopted, and a year later the “Lullaby Program” was adopted, which allows children to be anonymously placed for adoption. Some states provide benefits to families with two or more daughters. Despite government measures, femicide has significantly affected the demographics of the country: today in India there are 100 girls born for every 110 boys born. To stop selective abortions, the state banned procedures to determine the sex of a child - however, in underground clinics this can still be done for 3-8 thousand rupees (about the same amount in rubles). In 2016 alone, twelve doctors were suspended from work on suspicion of violating the ban. In the fight against femicide, the government and non-profit organizations leveraged social media and marketing campaigns, their most famous slogan being “Save a Girl Child.”
The ancient custom of dauri - the name given to the tradition that obliges the bride's family to pay the groom's family - is another illustration of how a woman in the Indian image is considered a burden. You can pay with money or “gifts”: real estate, cars, jewelry and expensive household appliances. Dauri was officially banned in 1961, but dowry payments are difficult to track, so the practice continues to this day.
The Dauri system promotes the idea that men are more valuable than women and have inherent privileges. It permeates the entire matrimonial system of India - this is especially noticeable when searching for a bride, when absurd demands are made on a woman: the education, talents, skin color and appearance of a potential spouse are assessed. The best bride is considered to be the one who promises not to work after the wedding, but to take care of the house and children exclusively.
Bollywood and stereotypes
Bollywood reigns supreme in the minds and hearts of Indians of all ages - so the gender stereotypes it conveys deserve special attention. Until recently, female characters in Bollywood were represented either by heroines, always secondary to the main character, or by participants in the so-called item numbers (musical inserts). The heroine of item number is a seductive beauty who appears in the film for one song and does not add anything new to the plot, but simply pleases the male eye. The Bollywood dichotomy of "woman-angel" - "woman-whore" has greatly influenced the worldview of Indians: society labels a woman as "bad" or "good" in accordance with the film standard.
The extent to which women are objectified in Indian cinema is difficult to comprehend without understanding the lyrics: the compositions accompanying item numbers often have explicit sexual overtones and openly encourage violence. “It doesn’t matter whether you say yes or no. You are mine, Kiran,” - everyone in India knows this line from a famous song by heart. It sounds from the lips of the cult actor Shahrukh Khan. Rapper Honey Singh, whose tracks are often featured in Bollywood blockbusters, is constantly accused of misogyny. The singer does not hide his attitude towards women: he recorded an entire album about sexual violence, which is called “Rapist”.
Men hum these songs on the street when some girl seems attractive to them. Largely thanks to Bollywood, street harassment is considered the norm. In popular comedies, for example, “Grand Masti”, the main characters pester the heroine on the street and follow her until she gets tired of the attention and “gives up.” From such scenes, viewers learn that a woman who is disinterested or openly rejects her boyfriend is not a stop sign, but a challenge and a sign that he needs to pester more actively, to “want” the girl.
Recently, there has been an encouraging trend in Indian cinema: films are featuring more and more strong heroines and female protagonists (for example, in the films “Queen”, “Kahaani” and “Mary Kom”). However, mass cinema still relies on “testosterone” comedies and blockbusters, which bring in a lot of income.
Nirbhaya and the land of violence
A turning point in the debate on women's rights occurred in December 2012, when the entire country learned of the horrific gang rape in Delhi. The city is called the “rape capital” - this is where most brutal crimes against women occur.
On December 14, a 23-year-old girl (her name was not disclosed in the press, giving her the pseudonym Nirbhaya) went to the cinema with her boyfriend. After the session, they boarded a bus, where there were six men, including one minor; they brutally beat the girl and raped her, and then left her naked and bleeding on the road. A young man who tried to protect Nirbhaya was hit on the head, but survived, and his companion died in hospital two weeks later due to multiple internal injuries. The crime received unprecedented publicity and caused a strong reaction both in India and in the world. Protests took place in Delhi and other cities, and the rapists were arrested and sentenced to death after a lengthy trial.
Nirbhaya's death has sparked a major debate about the status of women in India, but the issue remains unresolved. Politicians talk a lot about how it would be nice to ensure the safety of women and toughen penalties for rape, but the crimes are not decreasing, and many of them are brutal. In India's capital Delhi, women try not to go out alone after dark.
It is worth noting that women of Indian origin are primarily victims of violence and discrimination, while foreign women, even if they have lived in the country for a very long time, feel safer. This may be due to the fact that crimes against foreigners attract the attention of government services and consulates, and the police take them more seriously so as not to cause an international scandal. Foreign women, especially from Europe, are considered more “loose” and - to use Bollywood terminology - more “item”, that is, performing a decorative and entertainment function.
Victim blaming and Western values
After the Nirbhaya case and other high-profile crimes, Indians began to openly demand a response from the authorities. But most political and religious leaders not only refuse to take responsibility for solving the problem, but add fuel to the fire by blaming the victims of violence and openly supporting patriarchal attitudes.
One of the country's largest religious leaders, Asaram Bapu, commented on the mass protests in 2012: “The victim is no less guilty than the rapists. She should not have resisted, but called out to the rapists as brothers and begged them to stop. She shouldn't have gotten on the bus and gone to the movies with a guy." “Women should not hang around the streets with men unless they are related to them. Such cases are a result of the influence of Western culture and style of dress,” said Mohan Bhaguoth, leader of the right-wing political party Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh. Shifting the blame to “Western influence” is a typical technique for politicians who advocate “preserving traditional Indian culture.” This apparently populist position ignores the fact that many women from traditional families who have no access to Western culture are subjected to violence.
In response to demands for capital punishment for rapists, politician Mulayam Singh Yadav said: “Boys behave like boys, is it really necessary to hang them for this?” Progressive sections of Indian society are horrified by such statements, but the majority of the population falls under the influence of populists. Generally, Indians still believe that victimhood is “ ” and in some cases, violence can be justified.
Women who have experienced violence rarely go to the police: due to corruption, many cases do not reach court, and victims are often treated poorly. Police officers make sarcastic comments and openly humiliate women, and cases of violence in police stations are known. Human rights activists believe that in 9 out of 10 cases of rape, the victim does not report it to the authorities, which is why the criminals feel absolute impunity and permissiveness.
Talk about equality
There is still no law against domestic violence in India. Women face daily harassment on public transport, lewd comments on the street and judgmental looks from older people who don’t like their “too modern” or “too revealing” clothes. However, there are changes for the better: in the last few years, violence has finally begun to be talked about, and popular media and celebrities have realized how much they influence society - and are now openly calling for respect for women.
More and more media and social platforms are writing about equality - and for the first time in many years they are calling for actively fighting sexism and speaking out against violence. Bollywood is also reacting to the changes: the film “Pink”, starring one of the most famous and respected actors in the country, Amitabh Bachchan, became a sensation in 2016. This film touches on the issue of victim blaming, talks about the principle of consent and respect for women's rights.
Modern India is just beginning to talk about feminism. As in any entrenched patriarchal system, ideas of equal rights are met with resistance. You can already see that millennial girls are more independent than their older sisters and mothers, and are ready to stand up for themselves - but emancipation will clearly take many years.
Photos: Wikimedia Commons, Reliance Entertainment, Getty Images (1)
Stories about Krasnoyarsk residents who decided to radically change their lives - go to another country, find work and housing there. If 20 years ago 5% of the Russian population thought about emigrating, then in the spring of 2013, according to VTsIOM data, already 13% (and if you believe the Levada Center, then that’s all 22%) . Students and entrepreneurs (almost every second), as well as employees (every third), dream more than others of “getting out.”
Many people know them in Krasnoyarsk. They still have family and friends here. But they chose to leave. Natalya Durbanova. Krasnoyarsk - St. Petersburg - Kuala Lumpur - Mumbai. Online answers to 10 questions.
Do you need to prepare for moving? Or is an impulsive decision the only way to leave with 100% probability?
You need to prepare - try to acquire the maximum number of skills that will be useful to you in the future. Universal skills - profession, knowledge of language (English is a must, another one is better), even a driver's license. In short, everything you can study and master at home, so that after moving you don’t waste time, effort and money on it.
What was it like in your case?
I never set myself the goal of moving abroad. Firstly, I didn’t emigrate, but I’ve been working abroad, just for the sixth year and the third country in a row. Secondly, initially the idea was to work and gain life and professional experience in another country. In 2003, I graduated from the Faculty of Economics of KSU with a degree in world economics (WE). The head of the department suggested trying to enroll in a master's program in St. Petersburg. The decision had to be made in half a day. I tried and got accepted. After a master's degree and three years of work in St. Petersburg at PricewaterhouseCoopers (one of the four largest auditing companies in the world), I unexpectedly received a job offer in Malaysia, in the regional office of a large Australian company. I had 2 days to think about it, and I decided. After three years of working in Malaysia, I went to Mumbai as a tourist and realized that my next country would be India. In terms of professional experience, Peter and Kuala Lumpur gave me enough; it was time for personal growth. In all my moves, I made a decision quickly, perhaps because each time I thought that it would only be for a year, two or three, and I would return. In the end, I move on every time :)
In your case, does moving abroad mean going there? Or should I leave here?
It would be more correct to say - go there. No, I never left “from here”; I always felt good where I lived. I had a good time in Krasnoyarsk, I love St. Petersburg in my own way, I really liked and like Kuala Lumpur. Just while there is an opportunity, why not use it.
In July I was on vacation in Krasnoyarsk, and I thought, “How lucky I am! I was born in the best city in the world! Honestly! “We have big roads, clean streets, no crowds of people, nature, snow, a lot of culture - there is so much…” But in order to appreciate it, you had to travel halfway around the world :)
Why this country?
There are two main reasons.
- Professional. I am an economist by education, worked as an auditor, accountant, and set up an outsourcing department in Malaysia. India is an IT country, and I decided that if I was looking for a job here, it only made sense in the high-tech sector. Now I work for an online payment processing company, something like Paypal, but only in a special niche - a high-risk business. This area requires a good technology platform that is quite complex from a programming point of view, so the owner and technical team are Indian, but they hire foreigners to handle the clients. The difference in Indian and European mentality has a strong impact. I talk to Europeans in a language they understand; my boss does not complicate his life with the peculiarities of written etiquette. So, foreigners like me have to deal with communicating with European banks and drafting business letters and proposals. In addition, Indians have a very flexible attitude towards time, and accordingly, deadlines are a very flexible concept :), but an Indian, conditionally, has 55 reincarnations, while a European has only one. I understand that if a client from England writes that it must be done today, it must be done today! Not tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. However, today the whole world is working with India, and we must learn to understand the Indian mentality.
- Personal reason. At different stages of life you set tasks of different complexity. India is a complex, multifaceted and multi-layered country, but very interesting. Even if you take a 6-month vacation between jobs and travel from north to south, you won’t understand India. Many things in India seem at least incomprehensible to Europeans, and at most absurd. But in India there is a logic to everything, we just don’t know it! This is why I came for a long time, to at least partially understand.
What are the biggest differences between Russia and your new country?
— Standard of living, contrast.
In Russia the average standard of living is much higher. India is a country of contrasts.
There are people so poor that we would never even dream of living 10 people in one room all their lives, and having a cup of rice on the table twice a day. But there are also such rich people that our Abramovichs could not even dream of. In Mumbai there is a house - the largest in the world, worth about 1 billion, 27 floors, its own "" and a helipad - a family of 5 (five!) people lives in the house. (The house, by the way, is not only the most expensive, but also one of the ugliest in the city :))
The middle class is far from being the majority; the poor are much more numerous.
What amazed me when I first arrived in India was that this gap between different segments of the population does not lead to a social explosion and revolutions, as in the 20th century in Russia, say. The reason for this is the caste system. With us, those “at the bottom” are dissatisfied with their position. An Indian who was born in a low caste and worked all his life as a servant does not even think that fate might have something else in store for him. Of course, even in a low caste there is a chance to get an education; there are state quotas in universities for low castes, but these are few.
— Availability of house helpers.
In India, almost everyone has a domestic servant. Here, every middle-income family usually has housekeepers, either living with them or visiting them. A housekeeper can live and sleep in the kitchen all her life, and this is in the order of things. Plus a laundress comes to them (few people have washing machines, everyone was very surprised why I need one, because you can do it for $15 ( ~600 rubles) a month to give everything to a specially trained person, he will also iron the laundry), toilet cleaner, driver, car washer, milkman, florist (like we subscribe to a newspaper - in India you can sign up for the delivery of flowers for religious services) and so on. And this is not even a matter of prestige - it’s just the way it is. According to the law, all these people, of course, do not belong to anyone, but in fact they are very dependent on their owners. The servants receive, on average, from 1 to 5 thousand rubles from our money. The population of India is 1 billion 200 million people, and all these people need work, and that's the whole point. The upper and middle strata of the population believe that the more servants are hired, the more good the work is done - otherwise all these people would live in the village, in much worse conditions.
— Attitude to personal space.
If in Russia things are generally normal with this, personal space is a kilometer long - “mind your own business” (“don’t interfere in other people’s affairs”) is highly valued there, then in India there is no personal space at all. Maria Arbatova wrote it correctly - Indians perceive the whole world as one big family. And when one of the members of this large family does something wrong, he is patiently taught and guided. My Hindi teacher came to me three times a week and during the teaching process she was interested in literally everything - every event in my life, checked all my photos on Facebook, read any comments (she diligently translated Russian-language ones!). I was simply shocked by such “care”. Another amazing example - once I met a young man, we started dating, in general, due to the romantic haze in my head, the work was neglected. Two weeks later, my boss finally calls me in and, without any embarrassment, lays out all the ins and outs about my admirer - his name, where he lives, what car he drives, what family he’s from, that is, he literally opens his file in front of me. This was the first and only time in my life in India when I wanted to take a ticket for the next flight and leave. For the boss, it was an expression of sincere concern. It was such a touching, fatherly approach to solving what was essentially a labor problem, and it is very indicative of India.
— Attitude to family values.
India is a country with a very low divorce rate. And if there are children in the family, it’s almost impossible. The tradition of arranged marriage is very strong here - marriages not of convenience, but rather by agreement. There are now about 70% of them, and in villages it’s 99%. Marriage becomes a kind of transaction for families based on caste. In case of divorce, you are excluded from your family and society, this is the worst thing that can happen in the life of an Indian. Therefore, the attitude towards marriage is very, very serious. And if castes are now practically not taken into account when hiring (and 10 years ago it was much easier for a Brahmin, a representative of the highest caste of priests, to get a job), then when choosing a partner, this is a fundamental factor. Marriages for love are viewed with suspicion here - it is not very reliable, love is like carrots. And this has its own logic, as with everything in India. People get married with the understanding that it is forever, and there is no other option and there will not be, so you need to build a relationship with the one you have.
Do you feel like a stranger in a new country?
I feel like a stranger and one at the same time.
My own - I wear Indian clothes even in the office (it’s much more convenient, by the way, I don’t have to suffer in heels :)), I speak Hindi at the everyday level. Hindi is more difficult than English, but easier than Japanese or Chinese. Some complex sounds (there are three “t” ones), the logic of sentence construction is a little different - we have prepositions, they have postpositions (“I’m from Russia, I live in Mumbai”), and so on. As one of my friends said - living in a foreign country and not speaking its language, it’s like you’re looking at the world through a dark glass - you can live, but the quality of life is different. All professional education above grade 10 in India is conducted in English, and educated Indians speak English well, but in everyday life, Hindi is, of course, necessary. In Hindi, I mostly haggle, swear, and touchingly talk about my mom, dad, and brother. At work only English.
Alien, in a good way - still, the attitude towards a European-looking person in India is different, more privileged, I would say. Indians have a very positive attitude towards Russians, dating back to Soviet times.
Is it difficult to find work/housing?
Housing in Mumbai is the most expensive in India. This is the largest city in the country, 20 million people live here. It stands on a group of islands that were artificially filled in and the city began to be built. Now this is a peninsula and there is nowhere for the city to grow; it goes out to sea. In Delhi, for example, about 13 million people live, but its area is 7 times larger - there are wide avenues, huge streets, practically Moscow. In Mumbai, everyone lives very densely, skyscrapers and then, in general, real estate here is expensive. Prices are somewhere between St. Petersburg and Moscow, and by Indian standards the highest.
Not all women who go abroad can accept the culture of another country. This is especially true for such an exotic country as India. Continuation of the story of one of the women living in this country.
I continue my story, the first part of which was published about how Russian wives live in India.
How do ordinary people live in India?
I’m quietly moving on to Indian nature :-) I already wrote that Indians love to litter on their streets.
But when I arrived and met many of my husband’s friends and acquaintances, I was simply shocked by how educated people they can throw bottles from car windows, bags of chips at their feet, etc.
At some point I couldn’t stand it and gave a lecture, so do you think anyone understood me? Another time, when they threw a bottle out of the window, then everyone looked at each other, looked at me and started laughing, oh sorry! I realized that no one understood. The day before yesterday, one of my husband’s friends started laughing openly in my face in response to my remark, saying: “Relax, this is India, freedom!” I have no words…
And men constantly chew dried pieces of various odorous plants; they are sold in small bags everywhere. Some of them contain tobacco. So when they chew them, the saliva turns orange, so you can see where they spat... Our whole house, the elevator, absolutely everything is dirty! And these people live right there! We have a closed area...
Indians will weigh a million times before buying something.
Indians save on everything. If your vacuum cleaner works, but doesn’t work, it’s pointless to explain that you need another one: “This one works!”
An Indian will never buy a new thing while the old one is working; moreover, he will also take it for repairs, even if it is clear that it is on its last legs. And if it cannot be repaired, he will exchange it with an additional payment for a new one. This is widely practiced in India. My washing machine jumps to the ceiling, they thought I was crazy when I mentioned a new one... and they will always choose what is cheaper.
However, they are willing to spend money on gold. Tourist trips are also not very popular, and only within the country, but going to a very distant relative for a wedding by train for 8 hours is a sacred thing.
photo www.sunrise.dev.diogenes.ru
Moreover, wedding organizers rent apartments or some room in a hotel, perhaps even without decoration, rent mattresses on which you don’t know how many people have slept, throw them directly on the floor in rows and guests settle there for a couple of nights.
Fortunately, we never lived like this, but I was once in such a hall, after 5 minutes I wanted to run away from there, like gypsies or homeless people! They wrapped themselves in a sari and everything was ok, they were sleeping. Of course, those who can afford to rent a room on their own will do so, but why spend so much money :-):-):-)
And in general, some Indians sleep on the floor, even those who have beds, apparently a habit left over from the times when there were no beds. Although they say that it’s healthier this way :-) I asked them, do your sides hurt? No, they say, nothing ever hurts, you can only envy :-)
Most families even save on food, do not buy any foreign products, and eat only traditional food.
My husband and I had a lot of scandals on this topic, somehow I wasn’t used to counting every penny, but now I count every rupee. And here it’s not a matter of greed, but a scrupulous attitude towards money, they treat it very respectfully and every rupee is money for them. Therefore, they will weigh a million times before buying something and buy only if they really need it.
This is their advantage: Indians, with rare exceptions, boast of the money they earn. Asking how much something costs is rude. But, if you ask, they will definitely say that it is very cheap and lie about the price. So as not to be envied!
Astrology is the basis of life in India
photo www.lagna.ru
I have a very big problem with their prejudices. For them, astrology is the basis of life. Not a single Hindu lives without a personal astrologer. And everyone absolutely believes in it. This is science! And, God forbid, if you start joking about this topic, they will be offended. Without an astrologer's resume, neither a wedding, nor a major deal, nor a trip will take place. It all depends on the craziness, some apply more often, others less often.
Also, almost every Indian wears rings with stones on their hands. As a rule, rings are of poor quality, since they are handmade, but the rich can also find beautiful rings. But the point of the rings is not decoration, so appearance nobody cares. It's all about the influence of the stone on you and your destiny. Absolutely everyone believes in this.
So if the Guru says that you have to wear some stone, you have to wear it even if you don't like it. Your relatives won’t leave you alone, and you don’t want to upset anyone? :-)
About religion and faith of Hindus
Yes, about faith. There are no irreligious people in India. Muslims, Hindus, Punjabis, Catholics, Buddhists, Sikhs and others all live nearby. But there is no open hostility like we have, and that’s encouraging. But still, according to my surveys, Muslims are trusted less.
Religious holidays are a holy thing, so if any Hindu festival starts, no one goes to work. During September-October, almost every week there was one day off in honor of different gods, and there are many of them in Indian religion :-)
photo www.bigpicture.ru
On holidays, temples are visited, preferably every day. Some of the rituals are very interesting, for example, recently there was a festival in honor of Lord Ganesh, everyone bought Ganesh statues, prayed for them for 9 days, and then, according to tradition, drowned them in the river.
They also pray in offices during such festivals. At my husband’s work, the whole office prayed to the Ganesh statue for 9 days in the morning. Everyone took turns bringing sweets, such as semolina halva, and before prayer they put it to God, and then ate it, this is called prosad. Like illuminated food.
By the way, in India, many offices have a six-day work week. Hindus get up early, at 6 or even 5 in the morning, take a shower, and pray. Every house has a room, or place, like small temple, where Hindus pray while sitting is called puzha. Then they have breakfast and go to work, stopping at a temple on the way. I already wrote that they take off their shoes in front of the temple, so it’s better not to wear expensive shoes, they might get stolen. That's how we got the 2nd spanking. In the evening before going to bed, shower again, pray and only then eat. And so every day.
photo www.bigpicture.ru
There is also the concept of puzha, as a prayer service, i.e. a pandid (Hindu priest), alone or with colleagues, comes to you and performs puja on some occasion, or in honor of god during a festival. All this is accompanied by special preparation, chanting mantras and ends with eating food.
This is all very interesting at first, to watch, so to speak, but when the effect of novelty wears off, it becomes unclear, what are they doing anyway?
Why did they put a flower here, and then sprinkle it with rice, etc., but no one can really explain anything to you, and the pandid won’t do it, he doesn’t speak English and doesn’t have time. As a result, you just sit there, like a participant in some kind of performance, but you don’t understand its meaning. Sometimes they tell you to say certain words, and you begin to feel like a sheep.
It's no fun, let me tell you. And it’s good if it ends quickly, but what if it lasts for 4 hours? During puzha, fire is often used, they simply light a fire in a container, setting fire to some branches of a special tree with some complex composition, and in the end it smokes so much that you cry. In ancient times, they probably did this on the street or their houses had no windows or doors, but traditions cannot be changed, it is sacred!
But most people are very good. They have no hatred towards people of other nationalities or other religions. They are very patient and everyone talks about love and happiness :-)
The theme of love comes first for Indians
In general, the topic love in india in the first place, true love, at first sight and for life. Of course, in large cities the situation has already changed, and sex has become easier to relate to, but still, in the majority, chastity plays a very important role.
I will tell you one incident that happened before my eyes. We were vacationing in Pune, and my husband’s friend was in love with the same girl, both were young, she was studying in college and lived in a hostel. We all relaxed together in the evening, everything was very decent, he gave her a gift, held her hand a little and looked at her all the time, without taking his eyes off :-) it was very sweet :-)
But, it’s 9 pm and she’s not in the dorm yet! Someone very kind called and told her father that she had not arrived yet and that she was spending time with a young man. Her father sent his brother, who lived nearby, who took her, and the next day she was deported to her father’s house. This was the end of her college education. But really, why does she need it, anyway, in a couple of years they will get married and she will bake cakes :-) True, with education, you can find a better, richer groom :-) These are the morals.
Here marriage is perceived only as for life
To love among Indians serious attitude. Love, as a rule, lasts a lifetime, although divorce is more common now.
photo www.getevent.ru
Most often, parents are looking for a couple, or a young man can meet his future wife at someone’s wedding and ask his mother to find out who she is, or they look for him through an advertisement in the newspaper. Yes Yes! In the advertisements they first write what caste, religion, education and only at the end height and weight.
In general, appearance certainly plays a role, but not a special one, the main thing is the parameters, the coincidence of horoscopes, the groom’s income, whether the family is good, whether the people in the family are happy, his soul, and only then his appearance.
Couples are usually chosen harmoniously; I have never seen her being tall and he being short. They even look similar. Couples created out of love by the young themselves are common in large cities, and they are very proud of this and will certainly say so.
But in confidential conversations I asked women who were given in marriage by their parents, are they happy in their marriages? The answer is always the same: “Very.” And I believe them, they look really happy. Parents rarely marry their children for selfish reasons, only if they are suitable for each other.
In general, Hindus treat marriage very calmly as part of their life. Here marriage is perceived only as for life. My husband told me this even before the wedding: “Just think, this is for life :-),” and that’s what really captivated me.
Yes, divorces happen. For example, one couple divorced because the wife had an abortion quietly from her husband, the husband realized that she did not want children from him, and they divorced. She was lucky her family took her back. Another couple divorced because the groom loved another before the wedding, and she refused him the wedding, and out of grief he got married. And after the wedding, she forgave him, and he decided to return to her. Like this, so it’s also different, you can’t guess.
But Hindu men mostly loyal, affectionate and will try to do everything for you. The main thing for them in the family is respect. Only with the help of respect can you live your whole life with each other.
photo www.getevent.ru
The only reason I'm here is because of my husband. This is crazy love. Of course, like all couples, we quarrel. One time I even packed my suitcase, like I’m leaving for Moscow, but we love each other very much, and everything worked out.
I don't have to worry about his office roommate or secretary jumping on him, that I won't satisfy him sexually, that he'll get tired of everything when we have two kids and he finds himself new woman. All this nightmare will not happen. It's simply not possible here. Simply no one from his family will understand him, he will become an outcast, it is a rare man who will decide to do this. And the mentality is different, they don’t think about this :-) You should take this into account if you are thinking about marrying a Hindu?
You will have a different life...
Still, I recommend not marrying foreigners. Firstly, this is a monstrous adaptation period; it takes years to get used to living in India. It's very hard. But then it lets go and you start to notice good things :-)
But still, if you don’t know Hindi well and don’t have a job, it’s better not to take risks. You will sit alone at home all day, don’t rely on the Internet, it doesn’t work everywhere or always, and good speed means money.
In the company of relatives and his friends, you will simply be bored. Yes, they will speak English, but only with you. This means that if you ask something, they will answer you briefly and continue speaking in Hindi, which you do not understand.
Friends from Russia will quickly forget you. No, they will congratulate you on your birthday, write on VKontakte. But Russia lives its own life, a different rhythm, other things are important, in a year you will stop understanding them, you will simply forget how to worry about traffic jams, rudeness in government institutions, rising taxes, and now opposition uprisings.
You will have a different life, all this will already seem like some kind of madness and unreal. Now you are a stranger among your own and a stranger among strangers. You will always be a stranger here, you will never be perceived as one of their own. And you will feel it all the time.
At the zoo they will take pictures of you as if you were an exhibit, in the park you will not have a rest, because you again become the main attraction, and at home they will speak to you in a language that you do not understand. Yes, by the way, my husband and I speak English, and I really want to be told “Good morning” in the morning, and “Good morning” in the evening. Good night" in Russian…
I appeal to lovers of India, lovers of meditation, etc., who will immediately begin to take my article with hostility. Yes, I understand that almost everything I complain about doesn’t matter to you. But I address my article to Russian women who are thinking about moving to India. They need to know this information in order to make such a powerful decision in their lives.
Elizaveta, especially for the site intdate.ru