I'm not a coward, but I'm afraid... Excessive shyness is attractive only to girls of the 19th century, but not to men. How to increase self-confidence and stop being afraid?
Behind faith in fate and supernatural forces often lies a banal lack of self-confidence. The desire for leadership is genetic, because at birth we were all first, but in later life everything happens completely differently. Sometimes we suddenly realize that not only are we not the leaders of the pack, but we are actually lagging behind. We are oppressed by thoughts of our own insignificance and, shaken by insecurity that comes from out of nowhere, we begin to give up.
How to increase self-confidence and stop being afraid? Excessive shyness is attractive only to girls of the 19th century, but not to men. Any male representative looks decent only if he behaves confidently in any situation. It's time to get rid of timidity and jitters, step over your complexes and enter the world of strong men.
A feeling of timidity occurs when a person finds himself in an unusual situation, also when changing his lifestyle, or encounters a barrier that seems insurmountable. Some anxiety in the face of difficulties is considered normal, but the inability to overcome them and the emergence of a persistent fear of problems is already a reason to worry.
Uncertainty can come from childhood or appear after a single unpleasant situation. The reasons that caused insecurity lie in low self-esteem, fear of being rejected or ridiculed, the expectation of being in an awkward position, increased control and demands on oneself.
Uncertainty can affect a person externally as well. Research from King's College London has shown that insecure people who feel like they can't handle something gain weight faster. True, such an effect is most characteristic not of men, but of the fair half.
How to become confident and stop being afraid?
It is impossible to overcome uncertainty by avoiding the causes of fear. Stop running from the battlefield, you need to turn your face and accept it. Impossible to learn to play musical instrument Without training, you also cannot become a boxing champion without entering the ring hundreds of times or be a highly qualified specialist without trial and error. It's never too late to stop being afraid. Approach the girl you like, talk to your publisher, speak in public, or strike up a conversation in a group. Training will develop the ability to withstand difficulties without treacherous trembling in the knees
Play sports. Even in business and science, the emotional advantage goes to the one who is stronger. Gym will give not only good shape, proud posture and jock friends. Training will give you confidence in your abilities. A good option There will be a visit to martial arts. Uncertainty in life may not go away, but the fear of a fight will definitely go away. Panic fear of physical fights is even better treated by Fight Clubs (BC).
Ask yourself the question that tormented Dostoevsky’s Raskolnikov: “Am I a trembling creature or do I have the right?” Yes, the question is: are you capable of taking the life of another person? But not just like that, but for a very good reason. There can be many situations. Having met bandits, are you ready to defend your life and especially your loved ones to the end? And not yours, but theirs? Now think: such a person, ready to put his life on the line, can tremble in front of his boss or when communicating with a pretty girl?
Communicate more, it gives confidence. Especially if you're afraid of it. Visit interest clubs, accept invitations to parties, sign up for courses. Approach the girls and introduce yourself. They also want to communicate and “all that,” but it’s more difficult for them to take the initiative. Failures should not be perceived as a disaster. Perhaps she is simply not in the mood today or for a thousand other reasons that do not lie in you personally.
When going to an “exciting task,” come up with a cry for “attack” or sing encouraging songs. "Song about hares" is also suitable.
Increase your self-esteem. Any victory should be a reason for joy. Mark each step as another milestone achieved. There is no need to focus on yourself and your complexes: “I am short, tall, thin, fat, stupid, etc.”
In the morning in front of the mirror, use proven methods of suggestion to set the mood.
Start expressing your feelings. Don't be afraid to be misunderstood, speak and act if necessary.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. No ideal people and you are no exception. It is better to learn from your mistakes than to wait your whole life for others to make them. At least to look at the result or enjoy making a mistake.
You don't have to please all people. Learn to refuse if it goes against your interests. If you need to be a “bad guy,” be one, you can’t think about others all the time. Ask yourself the question: “What about me? Who will think of me? Reasonable egoism is useful.
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How often do we think that we could pass an interview, win the attention of “that” guy, and generally have a better life if we were more confident? This quality is not given to us from birth, but it can be developed.
website collected best tips psychologists on how to increase self-confidence.
1. Straighten your back and change your gait
Straight posture, open, wide gestures, a firm gait - all these signs make it easy to recognize a confident person.
Therefore, straighten your back, walk with a brisk step, raise your head and take your eyes off the floor. This message will be read by those around you, and you yourself will soon notice how your consciousness has changed. Studies have shown that the body language of a self-confident person has an impact on reducing stress levels.
2. Eliminate negative thoughts from your internal dialogue.
Controlling internal dialogue may be very difficult, but it is an excellent way to discipline yourself. Try tracking all the thoughts that come into your head for a week. And write down those that are associated with self-doubt. Ask yourself: “What evidence can I provide to support this belief?” After analyzing your notes, you will understand that most negative thoughts have no basis, and the remaining reasons for tightness and anxiety can be worked out.
In addition, make a list of your positive character traits and achievements. Just read it when a negative belief creeps into your stream of thoughts.
3. Know the times when self-confidence deserts you.
If you keep notes, as indicated in the previous paragraph, you will soon notice that doubts overcome you at the same time. Let's say you had a wonderful day, but before going to bed, stupid thoughts come into your head that nothing will work out and that everything is generally bad.
Just consider the occurrence of such thoughts as your psychological feature and perceive the usual evening doubts as something automatic, ignoring them.
4. Celebrate your achievements
“What would a confident me do in my place?” is a great question to ask yourself periodically. Especially when you are standing on the border of something new, shackled by awkwardness.
It is not necessary to immediately try to talk to interesting man or rush into your dream company with a statement that they must hire you. Start small: smile at a nice stranger, send your resume. And don't worry about the consequences. Willingness to take risks and take responsibility - distinguishing feature a confident person.
6. Learn to accept compliments
People react differently to compliments. Some begin to brush it off, others become embarrassed, respond in kind, or even begin to focus attention on own shortcomings. All this is an inadequate reaction, which indicates low self-esteem. Moreover, by denying a compliment, you devalue the opinion of the person who gave it.
The best reaction will be your sincere smile and gratitude. Don’t think anything for your interlocutor and don’t accuse him of flattery - believe that some of your qualities and features are really attractive.
7. Fight perfectionism
Your day is clearly scheduled: 20 calls and 10 meetings, sorting out emails in the remaining time and not a single ineffective minute. But instead of satisfaction, you feel disappointed, because the result always seems not cool enough to you, right?
By setting unattainable goals, you are moving towards anxiety rather than success. Successful people make mistakes and regret some of their actions, just like the rest of us. But they, unlike others, see lessons in every situation and know how to benefit from them.
8. Talk to strangers
Go to an event alone where you don't know anyone and try to play the role of a confident person. It is not necessary to immediately become the life of the party, and this is unlikely to happen in the company of strangers. But in the future you will feel more confident.
In addition, try to have small conversations with strangers in everyday situations. Be friendly with the cashier at the supermarket or exchange a few words with the waiter at the cafe. However, for some people this rule does not work. If you feel severe discomfort while communicating with strangers, it is better to stop the experiment.
9. Learn not to look away during a conversation.
How to become a successful, confident and happy person in just five minutes? Want to try?
You can become more confident and significantly increase your self-esteem quite quickly. 3 main principles of self-confidence will help you with this. These are the tips of the famous psychologist and relationship expert Irina Udilova.
1. The “Translator” principle
The first of them is the “Translator” principle. The principle of the “Translator” is to use, broadcast in your life, distribute around yourself only those things, those values, that knowledge that you yourself are very pleased with. For example, of course, it is very important for you to receive respect; it is very important for you to live among people who value, love, respect you and, even if they criticize you, do it with love. The most important thing, the most basic thing: be sure to distribute exactly what you like. Don’t talk about those things that make you sad, depressed, disappointed, throw you into some state when you don’t want to do anything at all - you give up. Don't allow these things to happen in your life. Be sure to broadcast, broadcast what you really like. What we broadcast, we ourselves multiply in our lives. This is the magic wand that greatly affects your confidence, your success, and how you feel.
2. The principle of “Clay Pots”
The second principle that will definitely allow you to become self-confident is the “Clay Pots” principle. It certainly sounds tempting: what kind of pots? And it turns out that back in the nineties, American scientists conducted an interesting experiment. They assembled two groups. One group was given the task: “Make pots, as many pots as possible.” And the second group was told: “Make good pots, quality ones, so that every pot is perfect.” And what do you think was the result? Which group made more quality pots? It turned out that there were more of them in the first group. Those people who didn’t bother, those people who acted, everything turned out much easier for them. And, of course, you also noticed that when you are in some creative process, when you act, you have more energy, more joy. And when you doubt, measure, prepare, then tension and fear grow. The future result is always on my mind. And all the doubts, fear, tension - this is what exactly prevents us from doing what we want in life, and doing it well. good level. Remember that all the doubts, all the improvements, all the improvements that we usually really want to make in any of our business are just marking time. We do not allow ourselves to act at this moment. And microsteps are your precise progress towards what you want, towards the goal that inspires you. Allow yourself to make mistakes, allow yourself to “walk”, act and enjoy it.
- You can broadcast those things that are important to you and valuable to you.
- You have your sufficiency.
- And the third thing is to sculpt pots, act and do it with pleasure, with joy.
3. The principle of “Sufficiency”
And the third principle, which will definitely allow you to become self-confident, is the principle of “Sufficiency”. It is based on the principle of insufficiency, that there will not be enough of everything. This is our childhood. When we were little, we always wanted someone to give us at least something else: candy, sweets, attention. And in this position we always remain children. An adult knows for sure that right now he has in his hands everything he needs to improve his life, in order to help someone else. When a person gives, he has a feeling inside that this is a lot, this is enough. And the more often you are in this position, the more effective you will be in your life, the more effective you will be in what you do for other people. Thanks to the feeling of sufficiency, the feeling that you have enough, you have the strength to share it with others. And this is what allows us to change our world radically, allows us to contact each other, be useful to each other, and unites the whole world.
And these were exactly the 3 principles that right now, within five minutes, will allow you to feel more confident, happier, because you have everything you need:
This is what will affect your world and the world in general.
Be confident in yourself and everything in your life will be top-notch!
Arthur Golovin
Interesting
How difficult and long a path do you need to walk in order to educate and grow it in yourself?
I wonder how faith in one’s own strength and trust in one’s own personality begins? Your opinion?
It turns out that confident behavior is the result of confident thinking. The way a person imagines himself is the way he looks. And he acts based on internal attitudes, ideas about himself.
How to become confident?
You can start with the simplest thing - portraying a confident person in any situation. life situations. In the supermarket, in the pool, on the street, among colleagues, in the subway. The well-known law of the transition of quantity into qualitative changes will work here. You will show more, and with every action you will become more confident. Step, one more, next. And the process began! With every step it gets better, more natural, more persistent.
This is how you can outsmart your thinking, which is fixated on patterns. You can easily and unobtrusively change your mind, imagining yourself as an actor who selflessly and talentedly plays a role. You decide when to put the actor on stage, when to turn the “switch” to turn it off. You are in complete control of the situation. You decided that at the party you will be embarrassed - there will be strangers there, so act like that. Be shy okay! With all your might! Tired of it? Switch the “switch” - choose confident behavior, communicate as equals, with dignity and self-respect.
How to look confident?
One hundred percent in the history of your life there were moments when you were a confident person.
Remember them.
Perhaps - in childhood, when you helped your little sister fasten her sandals, or at school, when you recited a poem you had learned with pleasure. Or in my youth, when I won sports competitions.
Or in situations when you were among close and dear people, when you spoke in front of an audience or talked with some person.
Recall in your memory the intonations, how you spoke, how you breathed, how you moved, how you gestured, what position you were in? What did the voice sound like, what did the face express, what were the sensations?
Now, in order to “turn on” the confident person in you, repeat all this, copy your posture, pace and volume of speech, gestures - get into the desired state. There is no need to invent anything, you have already been in this place - in the body, you were such a person, now you remember it and make it your natural state.
When you are confident, others perceive your dignity, self-confidence, and self-respect. And they strengthen you even more in these sensations.
- Space. A confident person inhabits the space well. Fully occupy the offered chair or armchair, lean back, use the armrests. Make broad gestures, on a grand scale, expanding the area of your influence. Be different from the insecure person, who, on the contrary, tends to shrink, shrivel up, take up as little space as possible, sit on the edge of the chair, and limit himself to meager gestures.
- No fuss. Is there a standard for a confident person for you? Who is this? Margaret Thatcher? Angelina Jolie? Ivan Urgant? Sylvester Stallone? Or someone else? Imagine your ideal, who nervously jumps up in his chair, fidgets, intensely fiddles with his tie, and beats the drum with his fingers on the table. Yes, it's hard to imagine. Confidence is incompatible with vanity. Take it away.
- Straight pose. In any position, standing or sitting, maintain an even posture. It allows you to radiate confidence, feel it and look like a confident person. Practice: chest forward, shoulders back, keep your head level in the horizontal and vertical plane. Imagine as if there is a string coming out of the top of your head that is pulling you into the heavens. Remember this pose and merge with it.
- Rate of speech. When someone jabbers and speaks very quickly, it is difficult for him to be confident and independent. A confident person speaks with feeling, clearly, with emphasis, without tension. He knows that he will not be interrupted, he will be allowed to speak. Speech rate is average and smooth. Make it a rule that the more worried and nervous you are, the slower and calmer you speak, and pause. Speak as if you are communicating with a child and it is important for you that he understands you.
- Me, me and me again. Speak in the first person. Use phrases: I think, I believe, I decided, I found out, I support, I disagree, I think differently. Feel free to express your opinion, do not hide behind the streamlined and impersonal “we”, “everyone”, “joint decision”, “everyone”. Avoid excuses!
- Eye contact. A confident person shifts the focus from himself to others. He is not fixated on himself, he is interested in the interlocutor and the world. Therefore, a direct, open look is very important and helps to be confident and makes people understand your interest. When communicating, you connect not only your hearing, but also an additional channel of perception, “listen with your eyes”, perceive and understand your interlocutor more clearly.
- Dignity. Take the example of the king of beasts, the lion. What plasticity, strength and power he has in his movements. Slowly, with dignity, confidently, elegantly. To be sure, slow down. Move like a king. Your movements should be smooth, meaningful, thoughtful, unhurried.
- Acceptance of yourself and others. Be calm, friendly and kind, even if the other person does not agree with you or you with him. Believe in yourself, in your point of view. Yours will not make people think the same way as you. Your goal is to be respected.
- Gesture of a confident man – spire-gesture. The fingertips of one hand touch the tips of the other hand at an acute angle, forming a spire. This is a signal of confidence and calm. Use it as an additional way to behave confidently.
- Don't try to please everyone. You need to be good, first of all, for yourself. Your confidence should not depend on how, when and how you are assessed and accepted.
- Pauses. Insecure people are afraid of silence, afraid of silence and are quick to break it. There is no need to “go out of your way” to fill every second with, albeit meaningless, chatter. Pause before you answer. Small. One to two seconds. Think about what you heard, what your interlocutor wanted to convey to you. This will give you confidence and help you control the situation in communication.
- Laughter. Don't giggle. You're not at the circus. Giggling is a sign of uncertainty and instability. Appreciate good jokes: smile or laugh calmly.
- Nodule disease. If you listen to your interlocutor and agree with him, you don’t need to continuously nod your head - you are not a “Chinese dummy.” You are a serious, confident person. A couple of head tilts in agreement are quite sufficient.
- Secret and obvious. Being in any situation: in or with people, in the rays of the sun or in the dark, do not do anything for which you will be ashamed of yourself. Act in accordance with your principles, do not prevaricate, and she will reward you with the foundation on which self-confidence and high self-confidence will rest.
- I don't know and I'm not afraid. If you want to be trusted, never be afraid to admit that you don't know something. “I have not yet encountered such a problem. Right now I don’t have an answer to this question.” It is impossible to know everything. Realize this and feel free to say what you don’t know. This will help you build your self-confidence even further.
Friends, everyone has absolutely everything they need to be confident, starting from today, from this moment. To do this, you do not need to read additional literature, make an appointment with a psychologist, or undergo training. Just decide to be a confident person, flip the switch and turn on your new personality. Good luck!
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Mark Twain
There is no such person who would not like to be confident, because confidence plays a very important role in our lives. important role, it determines what our life will be - successful or unsuccessful. You know this very well, and I know it, therefore, despite the articles already available on this site devoted to this issue, I return to it again and plan to return in the future, until all my materials help you, dear readers, gain confidence in to yourself. Together we will achieve success in this matter! You will definitely become a very confident person, and then many doors will open for you, you will begin to live life to the fullest, you will be able to realize many of your dreams and desires, you will fully realize yourself and become a happy person.
There are many ways to become a confident person, which I wrote about earlier and not only me. All of them, to one degree or another, need attention to themselves, they all need elaboration. But there are ways that, more than others, have a positive impact on a person’s self-confidence, and in this article we will talk about one of these methods. We will talk about perhaps the most important way to increase self-confidence - about our victories and successes that each of us needs to strive for. A successful person, a winner, will always be confident in himself, because he will feel his strength thanks to his successes and victories. And success and victories, in turn, will depend on confidence, thanks to which a person can achieve his goals despite any difficulties. In general, friends, you and I need to understand all these relationships so that you know exactly what you need to do and why in order to gain confidence.
First of all, a person needs to learn to correctly relate to his failures, defeats, mistakes, mistakes, he needs to learn to understand them. His ability to achieve success in various matters will depend on this. After all, it is through failures, defeats and mistakes that the path to success lies. And in order to overcome this path, you need to be able to withstand the blows of fate and not give up. Then success is inevitable. But it is difficult, especially for people with weak character. If a person constantly fails in various things, his self-confidence will decline. This is natural, natural and quite normal, since any failure shows a person his weakness and inability to live, therefore he cannot rely on himself, cannot believe in himself, in himself and in his strength. But he must understand that if he does not give up and continues to fight, then his perseverance and perseverance will sooner or later be crowned with success, they will allow him to win and achieve success. Therefore, difficulties must either be overcome, if you have the strength to do so, or, if you cannot overcome them, then you need to go around them and go around them, and for this you need to be a fairly smart, flexible, calculating, cunning person. So a weakness of character can be compensated for by a host of other qualities, but first you need to develop these qualities in yourself. This whole thing is profitable, you can make a winner out of any person, I am absolutely sure of that. The main thing is to find an approach to each person. Remember that winners are not born, they are made. And self-confidence is not a gift from God, but a consequence of proper human development. It is important to understand that you should never, under any circumstances, give in to difficulties, you need to fight, you need to look for opportunities, you need to endure until at least an insignificant positive result is achieved, which will instill in a person hope and faith in ultimate success. Therefore, learning the ability to overcome difficulties and achieve your goals must begin with small victories, but at the same time, it is advisable to ensure that they are regular, then the degree of confidence in a person will slowly but surely grow.
If a person achieves success in life, if he wins, his self-confidence grows, he trusts himself, he sees his strength, sees his capabilities, sees his adaptability to life, and even sees and feels his superiority over other people. This is also important for us, that’s who we are. So in order to become a self-confident person, you need to learn to win, you need to start achieving success in various matters, primarily related to a person’s satisfaction of his natural needs. This is a very important point that must be taken into account - I mean the importance of a person satisfying his natural needs. The fact is that you can be a successful person, a winner, in some unimportant matters for real life, but these small victories, this dubious success, will not make a person truly self-confident. Of course, he will gain some kind of self-confidence from minor successes, especially if he attaches great importance to them, but the further these successes are from real life, from the real needs of a person, the weaker this confidence will be.
For example, a person, let it be a man, can be a very good chess player who constantly beats everyone at chess and he can be considered a successful person, a winner, but only in the game of chess. Of course, success in this game will give this man self-confidence, but if at the same time he has serious problems with money, if he does not have a beloved woman, if other men whom he could consider his friends do not communicate with him, he will feel extremely insecure, and in especially severe cases, a complete loser. The thing is that failures in matters that are more important to life and a person’s inability to satisfy his natural needs, as a rule, have a much stronger impact on his psyche than success, even very great, in matters of less importance. However, there are exceptions that only confirm this rule. Therefore, friends, you need victories like air, but in matters that relate to real, and not to virtual, imaginary life. Of course, you should start with small victories, with small successes in small but important matters in life, gradually striving for greater and greater heights. And you should always remember that life does not consist only of victories, there is also a place in it for defeats, setbacks, and mistakes, which sometimes happen very often. And if you do not treat them with understanding, you will never come to success, wastingly avoiding the defeats and failures that lead to it. This means that you will not be able to gain self-confidence.
How can you learn to win victories that are important for your life, so that with their help you can increase your self-confidence, and how not to be afraid of failures, mistakes, mistakes, and defeats that stand in the way of success? This task is, in fact, not easy, since it requires an individual approach to each specific person who needs to be taught to win in order to instill in him a taste for victories and success. To carry it out, it is necessary to take into account the person’s personal characteristics and his life history. After all different people We are capable of different tasks, some need to start with small victories, some are capable of more complex things, and some can immediately aim for great achievements. Everyone has their own capabilities.
When I help people gain self-confidence, I study their lives and themselves very carefully, starting from childhood. This allows me to develop for each person an individual recipe for achieving success, guided by which they are guaranteed to win in matters that are truly significant for their lives, taking into account their desires and needs. If a person is poor, I help him improve his financial situation, if he is lonely, I help him find friends and a soul mate, and so on. In general, I help a person win where he needs to win. At the same time, he and I begin the path to success from the very first steps that he can take, from the smallest, but very important victories. Thanks to small victories, which later develop into big victories, people gradually increase their self-confidence, and therefore they themselves, without anyone’s help, achieve success in a variety of things, thereby increasing their confidence.
So, to put it simply, you need victories to increase self-confidence, and not in some unimportant matters in life, but in serious, important matters that have direct relation to your basic needs, and only then to all your desires. But achieving these victories can sometimes be difficult if there is no clear action plan that takes into account a person’s current capabilities. It is not so easy to achieve success in a business in which you need to be able to show your strongest qualities and beat other people who also want to be first, want to be the best, want to be winners. Therefore, an individual program for achieving success is needed, and in those matters in which it is easier for each specific person to achieve success at the first stage. Self-confidence should grow gradually, as a person overcomes various difficulties and obstacles that he is able to overcome. But great and quick successes, which some people are able to achieve mainly only thanks to a successful combination of circumstances, most often make them overly self-confident and people who inadequately assess themselves and their capabilities, and then only for a short time, since external circumstances are constantly changing, and along with them, the self-confidence of those who depend on these circumstances and rely on them changes. Therefore, you need to learn to go to success yourself, and not wait for it to come to you.
An important role in the issue of self-confidence is also played by a person’s attitude towards the victories and successes that already exist and previously existed in his life, which must be able to recognize and highlight against the background of everything else. People usually remember the bad better than the good, they remember their failures, they remember grievances, they remember the evil that happened in their lives. But the good things are often forgotten by them, successes, especially if there were few of them, are also forgotten, but at the same time, our self-confidence is based precisely on them - on our successes and victories. Let you make a hundred mistakes, but the hundred and first time you will achieve success - it is this hundred and first time that you should count as your asset, it is this that you need to remember throughout your life, it is this that you need to use as a moral support when solving your current and future tasks and problems, and while overcoming various difficulties. If you know that you can, that you are capable, that you have the strength to solve any problems and achieve success in any business, because you have already managed to do this before, then you will definitely solve your problems, you will definitely achieve success and your self-confidence will inevitably increase . Our past victories and achievements are our strength. We don’t need to pump up our psyche with all sorts of nonsense, because of which a person imagines himself as a kind of superman who is capable of anything, we just need to know about our strength and focus our attention on it.
Your self-confidence, friends, is your shield from any difficulties and adversities, and it is also your energy necessary to achieve success in life. Therefore, you need to build it piece by piece, or even grain of sand, depending on the characteristics of your life. Victories lead a person to self-confidence, and self-confidence leads him to even greater victories, thus increasing himself. Learn to win, learn to bypass and overcome all kinds of obstacles, depending on your capabilities, learn to see in yourself strong man, whom you can trust. And don’t even think about letting yourself down - if you promise yourself to do something, do it, and always be sure to bring all your tasks to the end. Otherwise, you won’t be able to trust yourself, which means you won’t be able to believe in yourself.