Since ancient times, foreign words have been borrowed in Russia, the meaning of which is sometimes not clear to everyone. This happened with the word “perfectionism”.
The history of the term "perfectionism"
This word was borrowed from English"perfection", which translated means "perfection", "ideal". It is used to determine attitudes that force a citizen to constantly strive for unattainable perfection.For some people, “perfectionism” sometimes takes on such distorted forms that a citizen suffering from such a disease treats any mistake or inaccuracy so badly that he would rather not submit his work at all than to show it unfinished.
Who are "perfectionists"
For perfectionists There is a special character trait, the so-called “procrastination”. These people can put off most of their work until later, waiting for one known inspiration, or a special state of mind, when they can create and create things filled with harmony and perfection. When starting their usual everyday work, a perfectionist will feel anxiety, and in some neglected state even attacks of panic about what the result of his work will be. Therefore, such individuals often experience procrastination, that is, in simple words, the desire to delay the moment of starting work, which may not turn out perfectly.A severe perfectionist hates the fact that he wants to do a perfect job.
“Perfectionism” also arises in everyday life. Probably anyone can find among their acquaintances women who are simply sick of putting their home in order. Some ladies cannot go to bed peacefully if they do not wash the dishes after themselves or wipe the dust on the shelf.
Remember your school years, you probably met girls who cried because of the B in their diary.
Bulimics and anorexics, as a rule, suffer from the strongest form of perfectionism, which is why they are so strict about their appearance.
With all this, such a skinny girl doesn’t give a damn about the order in her apartment, as a rule, it doesn’t interest her at all. Her “quirk” is her appearance, the rest is aside. An excellent student pays all her attention to grades, not paying attention to her appearance.
That is, “perfectionism” almost never affects all areas of activity; it always tends to concentrate only on things that are significant for a particular individual.
Good day, dear readers. In this article you will learn what a perfectionist is, the definition of this term, the main causes and manifestations of this condition. You will become aware of ways to combat perfectionism, and you will also learn how you can live with an “ideal” person.
Definition of the concept
A perfectionist is a person who sets goals that are difficult to achieve. Such a person will try in every possible and impossible way to achieve the desired result.
Perfectionists are people who strive for perfection.
There are three degrees of perfectionism.
- Easy. Outbursts of emotions about mistakes are a short-term phenomenon. Over time, people perceive them with irony. He thinks that next time he will be able to complete the task better. Strives for the ideal, but does not get hung up on it. Accepts mistakes and failures normally.
- Average. He puts a lot of effort into achieving something and gets very upset when he fails. Almost cannot relax. Life is not easy for a person, but he is still able to correctly assess his capabilities and select more or less achievable goals.
- Clinical. In this case, it’s time to seek help from a psychiatrist, since there may already be a depressive state due to the fact that you cannot achieve what you want. The demands on yourself are too high, and the same on others.
A condition such as perfectionism can have both positive and negative sides. It is believed that the cons outweigh the pros.
Positive qualities include:
- the opportunity to achieve great success, but only with talent and strong dedication;
- self-demandingness, punctuality and seriousness—characteristic traits of leaders—develop;
- self-confidence, development of perseverance, achievement of set goals.
Negative features include:
- loss of creative thinking;
- accumulation of fatigue;
- constant fear of making a mistake forces you to be in tension;
- hostility towards others and one’s own shortcomings develops;
- envy arises at the success of other people;
- a person sees competition in everyone, which leads to the destruction of personality.
Causes
- Often the roots of perfectionism lie in childhood. The baby receives attention only when he achieves success, he is praised, respected - that’s why he is loved. There is an opinion that in order to be treated well, you need to do everything perfectly.
- Forming a strong belief that a person’s value lies in his ideal appearance, correct deeds and actions. This opinion can be formed in adolescence, when a relationship with a partner breaks down due to an imperfect figure or appearance.
- Perfectionism of a neurotic nature can develop in the presence of idealism, in cases where regular fear of mistakes leads to constant depression and dissatisfaction with one’s personality. And this often leads to nervous breakdowns.
Signs
- Striving for ideals, inflated demands on oneself, constant doubts, reduced satisfaction with the results obtained.
- Increased concentration on your mistakes.
- Inability to properly evaluate others and oneself.
- Increased sensitivity to criticism.
- The first signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder may be observed.
- Setting unattainable goals.
- Low self-esteem.
- The presence of psychosomatic diseases, depression.
- Binary vision of the world.
- Emotional detachment. The person himself needs constant praise and acceptance.
- Taking on a lot of responsibilities.
- Shame and pangs of conscience are often present.
In men
Among males, perfectionism is inherent in nature. But here we are talking about a healthy manifestation of this condition, namely that a man should be able to set specific prospects, goals and achieve them. When this condition worsens, it becomes an obsession, and close people, relatives of this person, may also suffer.
- He is constantly tense, too hot-tempered, as he worries about his affairs and possible failures. Very irritable.
- Never agrees to compromise.
- Completely confident in his own rightness, does not listen to another point of view.
- He is very afraid of making mistakes. Defeat can easily turn him into a whiner.
Manifestations in women
- Perfectionists want to be perfect in everything. It is not surprising that becoming a better wife is important to such women. She will do everything to completely please her husband, and may even act to her own detriment.
- If such a woman is a housewife, when you get to her home, you will see everything in shine and cleanliness.
- If she has a toddler, then she will do everything to ensure that everyone around him praises him, considers him an ideal child, and her an ideal mother.
- If a woman is a careerist, she will achieve great heights and will be able to become a boss.
Unlike men, perfectionists try to be perfect in everything. This is at least quite hard work. It’s difficult to call such a woman happy; she hardly enjoys such an existence. Excessive demands on her immediate environment often leads to loneliness.
Children are perfectionists
They try with all their might to prove that they are better than everyone else and are afraid of failure.
These guys have a number of characteristic features:
- they are focused on doing a specific task;
- can do the same thing for hours homework until it becomes perfect;
- if parents try to disrupt the child’s schedule, his plans, he becomes hot-tempered and reacts very sharply;
- studies in order to receive high grades and praise from parents;
- will easily resort to lies in order to get a better grade;
- becomes irritable if he is not praised, self-esteem is greatly reduced;
- is sensitive to criticism;
- envies the success of other schoolchildren;
- he is not interested in entertainment and relaxation, he devotes all his energy to study;
- if a child has failures, they drive him crazy and make him become depressed;
- some kind of mental illness.
It is important that parents identify this condition in their child in a timely manner. The fact is that in adolescence, perfectionism can develop into a serious mental illness. Then you will have to seek help from a neurologist and psychotherapist.
How to behave in such a situation?
- It is necessary to explain to the child that the concept of “love” and “approval” should not be compared with the concept of “success”. The fact is that the baby can begin to earn the respect of others using various methods.
- It is unacceptable to scold a child for bad grades, much less punish him. The perfectionist kid is very afraid of punishment, so he will become cunning and easily keep two diaries (one with good grades, the other with bad ones).
- Parents should regularly show love and care to their child, regardless of how he studies or behaves.
- Don't forget to praise your child when he achieves something.
- Teach you to treat your failures correctly, not to be too upset, and to find something positive in everything.
- It is important that the child realizes that everyone makes mistakes, ideal people does not exist.
How to communicate with such people
If this happens and you have a perfectionist in your family or such a person works with you, then you need to know how to behave correctly with him.
- During a conversation with such a person, try to unobtrusively hint that the world is not as ideal as it seems to him.
- Try to help the perfectionist relieve his stress.
- Support this person, show that you understand his feelings. In response, he will begin to open up and feel trust in you.
- Try to lure the perfectionist to various entertainment events so that the person can relax and change the usual hustle and bustle.
- Don’t be angry with such a person, no matter how he treats you or starts criticizing you. Understand that for him such behavior is the norm of communication.
- When a perfectionist achieves his goal, he is not able to rejoice at it, so the task of loved ones is to create a small celebration.
You may not communicate with a colleague who has a strange worldview. However, if the perfectionist is a family member, then the above tips will be very relevant.
How to stop being a perfectionist
If you realize that you are such a person and want to get rid of this quality, then you can do the following.
- Clearly identify your shortcomings as well as your strengths, both in character and talents. Thanks to this, you will be able to correctly set priorities and goals in life.
- Try to evaluate your results from an objective point of view. You will see that everything is not as it seems. You are making great progress.
- Realistically assess your strengths, set yourself goals that can be achieved in a certain period of time. Be sure to alternate work with rest.
- Learn to listen to criticism and respond to it correctly. What people around you say about you is their personal opinion, from which you can also take away some positive points. But you need to listen to what relatives say.
- Praise yourself more often. Stop comparing your successes to others. It's time to understand that every person is individual.
Now you know what perfectionists are and who they are. As you can see, if such a condition manifests itself moderately, then it helps a person to live and achieve good results. However, when it goes too far, perfectionism becomes pathological and requires action and sometimes consultation with a psychotherapist.
You won’t know who a perfectionist is until a person with such an “illness” appears in your environment. But jokes aside, is this a useful quality or the worst character trait? There is no definite answer; it all depends on the direction in which a person will manifest this quality.
The essence of perfectionism.
What is perfectionism anyway? The desire to achieve the best result, an attempt to do everything absolutely perfectly. We will not go into the jungle of introspection, talk about childhood traumas or shocks.
This is a common feature of raising a child, which can progress over the years and result in such a state.
Modern psychotherapists believe that based on fear of punishment and desire for praise. If a person grew up in a family where they did not disdain physical punishment for the slightest offense, he may develop a purely subconscious fear of making some kind of mistake in the future. Therefore, each has its own business, each decision, every action committed will be questioned by a grown-up child. And doubting the result of his activities, he will begin to redo it again and again.
It is difficult to say anything about labor productivity in such situations. And constant failures rarely make anyone good-natured or less irritable.
Perfectionists with nerves of iron may exist, but science has not yet encountered them.
4 main signs by which you can understand who is in front of you.
Which behavior pattern characteristic of these diligent people?
- Think for a long time about your further actions in order to do everything correctly and spend a minimum of time and effort.
- Do not finish the job for as long as possible, seeing some flaws and trying to correct them.
- Take on one task several times, abandoning it halfway and returning to the beginning. In the event that the current result is not satisfactory. Those. almost always.
- Get irritated, angry, take it out on people around you.
But such "ideal" perfectionist may not exist in nature, because each person has a set of other character qualities that determine his behavior as a whole. If a person is decisive, he will not pore over plans for a long time, he will simply tinker a little longer with the practical implementation of the issue.
For some it is easier to start over, for others it is easier to bring the matter to fruition based on an existing base. So here, too, everything is different. But nervousness is characteristic of almost all fans of an unattainable ideal.
Is it possible to convince a person that he has done everything well enough and can safely move on to something else? No, but It’s worth trying to change the assessment system itself so that simply good or even satisfactory results are perceived at the level of that very ideal.
Perfectionism: a disease or a normal mental state?
So is the condition a variant of the norm or a pathology of personality development? If the situation is limited to a simple desire get the best result, this is one of the options norms. Waste of time, irritability, loss of productivity - all this can hardly be called normal or pleasant bonuses.
But you don’t have to worry too much about the person’s condition; he is fully aware of the current state of affairs and does not experience any discomfort. He is pleased to live and conduct his affairs in this way; it is very difficult to change the existing state of affairs. Maybe it’s impossible, and why is it necessary? After all, this does not bring any particular trouble or danger to anyone. Have you decided to be with such a person? That's when problems may arise, but they can also be solved.
Painful conditions.
There is also a pathological option, when a person considers any other result unacceptable than the ideal. No matter how much of a perfectionist your friend is, at a certain point he will realize that he can’t do anything better and will simply give up.
When you begin to notice in a person the tenacity with which he repeatedly tries to do something that he simply cannot do - this the first alarm bell.
A perfectionist cannot be called sick; this quality alone does not make a person insane. But thanks to this state, a person can become fixated on solving one problem, withdraw into himself, or even worse. Such people often exhibit anxious character traits, and there depression and psychosomatic illnesses.
Surely you have noticed the desire to constantly put things off until later, and not start doing something right now. This is usually explained by laziness and the desire to relax, but for a perfectionist the reason may be his self-doubt. Why take on a task now if you can’t do it 100%? When such thoughts begin to arise regarding simple household duties, more serious problems and violations.
If you have such symptoms, you should consult a psychotherapist to avoid the development of more dangerous conditions.
Encouragement and attention in everyone's life.
So far we have only talked about fear, but what about the mentioned praise? Many children do not receive the attention they deserve from their parents or environment during childhood. Sometimes a person may have an inflated ego that cannot be satisfied with simple approval.
A minimum of attention or an inadequate assessment of reality leads to the fact that throughout his life a perfectionist strives to get as much attention as possible to his own person. How can this be done? Yes, at least performing his duties perfectly.
If your parents were too strict and constantly hammered home that the main thing is to do everything well, with age, this quality is almost guaranteed to appear. But for such people it is not enough to just do their job well, because the main thing for them is the assessment of others. Therefore, any action is put on display, and an atmosphere of a martyr or a first-class specialist is created around oneself. It depends on individual preferences. The absence of any reaction from society causes detachment or suppressed aggression in a person. But sooner or later these feelings will find their way out; at such a moment it is better not to be around.
The role of a perfectionist in your life.
In what aspects of life can one generally be considered a perfectionist?
- Boss - a terrible option, in fact.
- Subordinate - if we are talking about the norm, then this is the best choice.
- Husband - the worst possibility with pathological perfectionism.
- Any other family member.
Meticulous bosses you've probably met in your life. There is always a high staff turnover in the organizations where they work. Always is job descriptions, which guide subordinates. But such a boss will demand fulfillment of duties beyond all norms, sometimes without even paying much attention to common sense. Pedantry forces workers to look for a quieter place.
Worker suffers from perfectionism? Yes, this is a treasure for any boss, as long as labor productivity does not drop. After all, such a ward will make every effort to complete the task assigned to him. And he will consider this the absolute norm, without demanding any promotions, simple praise is enough.
Perfectionist in family- not the best a pleasant phenomenon. Depression and nervousness have never been positive aspects of a person. There is another serious nuance in the form of alcoholism. Men become drunkards much more often and faster if they try to do everything in their lives perfectly.
Is this the reason for this disappointment or are there some other investigative connections - who knows?
This is simply a fact; a man striving for the ideal is guaranteed to start hitting the bottle in a couple of decades, and maybe even earlier.
So who is a perfectionist? This is a person who is in dire need of your help and public approval. If he is close to you, you should not leave him alone with your thoughts and worries; depression does not lead to good things.
Video about perfectionists
Perfectionism in moderate doses leads to an improvement in the quality of the work done, “sculpts” common man a being close to the concept of perfection, and with an overdose we get depression, nervousness, paranoia (illness) and other things that will lead the newly-minted neurotic into an impenetrable labyrinth of his own illusions.
A person who strives to complete work with 6 points on a 5-point system. A person who cannot refuse to carry out a task that is recognized as unprofitable, and its further development is disastrous. Finally, a person who does not “know how” to step on the seams of tiles and cannot go to bed until he has eliminated all the debris in his apartment or trimmed the uneven grass in his yard. (See photo).
These are graduated definitions (in fact, the concept and meaning of perfectionism is multifaceted and can manifest itself in different ways): from positive to neurotic.
Some people think that a perfectionist is very afraid of responsibility. This is wrong!
Synonyms
There are no official synonyms for perfectionism. There are also no adjacent or close phenomena.
The following words are actively used in everyday life:
- perfection;
- ideal;
- impeccability;
- perfection;
- absolute, etc.
Antonyms
The concept of destructionism becomes antonymous to perfectionism: these are spenders and spendthrifts who tend to destroy (create chaos) and are incapable of construction or creating something new. Another clearly opposite phenomenon (although the source is fundamentally different) is “not giving a damn”, here a person makes nothing at all, no decisions, relying on the beloved “maybe” by many.
From here, from “not giving a fuck,” a thread stretches to procrastination (putting things off), which can become a natural consequence of perfectionism (putting things off due to fear that it won’t be possible to do something perfectly, perfectly).
Signs and characteristics of a perfectionist man
Improving yourself is a great idea as long as it doesn’t affect others. Men who are perfectionists are demanding, caustic in their comments, and productive of malicious and unconstructive criticism.
At home
Adequately (!) - when there is a scandal because of unerased dust, improperly laid out books or plates, because of a remaining stain on the wallpaper. If the form of perfectionism is healthy, normal, you will only get crooked smiles and dissatisfied grimaces for the listed “jambs”.
In case of severe pathology, ingredients for soup are weighed on scales, napkins are measured with rulers and centimeters, in the middle of the night a perfectionist can spit on sleep and run to the bookshelf to arrange the volumes in an ideal line. There is no point in interfering; psychotherapy will be needed to cure this.
At work
As a boss, he finds fault with little things (there is an organizer at the other end of the table, the keyboard is located at the wrong angle in relation to the monitor), shouts and fires for the slightest offense (the number in the report is ugly corrected, the toilet seat is not raised, the table is a mess).
In a relationship
He is as demanding of half as he is of himself. If he irons his socks and arranges them in a checkerboard pattern, and makes his bed perfectly smooth in the morning, the same is expected of you. If you systematically violate the rules of a perfectionist, he will abandon you.
Signs and characteristics of a perfectionist woman
A cocktail of pathological striving for ideals and a tendency towards emotionality and sensitivity - what is the drink?
At home
He wipes, washes, scrubs - snow-white wallpaper, shiny baseboards, clean, like in an operating room. He lashes out at his family if they threaten the established order.
At work
Performs tasks pedantically and meticulously: ideal for working with papers, analytics, and statistics. As a boss, like a male perfectionist, she is unbearable.
In a relationship
Perfect if the partner matches her picture of relationships, family, love. When something (even a small thing) is out of schedule and the order established by her is violated, she will try to return it to the mainstream, and if she fails to achieve success, she will break the connection.
Is a perfectionist a neurotic who comes from perfectionism?
The neurotic form of perfectionism develops from a healthy desire for a better result. A neurotic is a sapper, his field of activity is a minefield. A person is afraid to act, sets goals that are obviously unattainable, and works not for pleasure, but to meet someone else’s (their own, family, society, etc.) expectations.
What is perfectionism and what are its manifestations in society?
An ideal example of social perfectionism is Yevgeny Zamyatin’s dystopia “We”. A totalitarian state, complete control of activities and life (including sexual contacts), a set daily routine, a strictly limited number of hours for “free” leisure.
Such a society is represented by a clock - a perfectly calibrated mechanism operating on the basis of a perpetual motion machine (watch the video on the Internet). Apparently, this is why society is falling apart - the engine has not been created.
I am a Perfectionist, what to do, how to live with it?
Do nothing if the form of perfectionism is healthy: you want to work for pleasure and to achieve high results, you know how to stop if you understand that the matter is losing, you don’t quit halfway if you know that a reward awaits you in the end. This is healthy self-criticism.
Remember: perfection is hardly achievable, so know how to limit perfectionist tendencies without leading them to the point of absurdity. Jumping over tile joints is a fun game for a child, but a psychological disorder for an adult.
If you feel that the desire for ideal is pressing, stop: set short-term goals (they are easier to achieve), remember what has already been done (will give you confidence), redirect some of the work to colleagues/family/friends (learn to trust people).
Wikipedia: is a perfectionist good or bad?
Vicky treats the phenomenon philosophically, noticing its strengths and soft sides. Referring to the work of a female psychoanalyst (Karen Horney), the encyclopedia notes that perfectionism is an integral part of an idealized society. In other words, this necessary condition to achieve harmonious social unity of the state and its citizens.
What is Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a term used to describe a person's personality trait that involves constantly striving for excellence, maintaining high standards, and refusing to accept anything less than perfection.
In simple words, perfectionism is a person’s tendency to bring any started business to an ideal state. For example, if a perfectionist is faced with the task of running and laying computer cables in an office, then he will do this work in such a way that the cables will be laid in perfect order. The whole system will look beautiful and orderly.
Perfectionism and signs of its presence.
- Critical self-assessment;
- Inflated or unrealistic expectations;
- Increased concern about errors and defects;
- Diffidence;
- Assumptions that other people must be perfect;
- Projecting your own views about impeccability;
- Refusal to admit shortcomings.
At its core, perfectionism, like most specific personal qualities, is on the border of extremes of character. Like many other traits, it includes both negative and positive aspects. On the positive side, perfectionism can push people to do everything they do with maximum efficiency and productivity. Negative factors include the fact that perfectionists are quite often critical and judgmental of themselves and others.
Pros and cons of perfectionism.
The most important disadvantages of this character trait include the so-called “perfectionist curse.” The essence of this “curse” is that a person can waste a lot of precious time on improving absolutely unimportant things and details.
But striving for perfection is not always a bad thing. There are many professions where perfectionism is considered a very valuable quality. For example, if an accountant possesses this trait, then his reports will always be impeccable and accurate. By analogy, architects, designers, and so on can be placed in this row.